Avoid The Freshman 15: Fight The Fat

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For me, the freshman fifteen came from my winter break – when I would go home, remember what real food tastes like and then wolf it down over the course of five weeks, gaining an average of three pounds per week.

Of course, that’s an exaggeration but overeating, along with binge drinking and absorbing your roommate through osmosis, is one of the many ways that college students find themselves fifteen pounds heavier after their first year. Here’s a list of ways you can avoid that freshman fifteen:

1.) Walking never killed anybo…scratch that

Most campuses are large enough that walking from one end to the other at a moderate pace would take no more than fifteen minutes, which is convenient considering there’s a fifteen minute break between classes at most schools. If you have time to kill, instead of arriving early to your 500-person lecture just to go on the YouBook and the FaceTube, spend a few extra minutes taking “the long way” to class. Plus you’re supposed to be doing all of that social not-working stuff duringclass anyway, not before.

2.) Unlike Peter Parker, dump the Mary Jane

If you smoke on a daily basis and wonder why you’re gaining weight, I totally understand. I too thought that weed increases your metabolism, therefore increasing the allotted amount of food you can eat without putting on pounds. It’s not until I had a stoner roommate that I realized, unless your metabolism is naturally high, smoking will get you high but not much else. Marijuana tricks your brain into thinking you’re hungry, even if you just had a Thanksgiving feast. So stick to the othergreens for snacks, such as lettuce and celery, if you’re trying to avoid gaining weight. Additionally, it may be wise to just party two nights a week and skip the Messed-up Monday, Tipsy Tuesday, Wasted Wednesday and Thirsty Thursday festivities. Alcoholic beverages alongside the greasy foods school cafeterias have to offer is a guaranteed step towards the freshman fifteen.

3.) Sleep properly

Telling college students to sleep on time is like telling Charlie Sheen to lose or the cast of Jersey Shore to not fist pump. By staying up for copious amounts of time “studying,” we are not only tampering with our body’s sleep and digestive schedules but we’re probably also munching on loads of unhealthy snacks in the meantime, all while catching up on the newest season of True Blood. After all, someone’s got to consume all the food those vampires can’t eat, right?

If you haveto stay up, stick to healthy snacks that will help you fall asleep later at night, such as bananas or milk-based products, as opposed to bags and bags of Doritos with shots of Monster on the side. Night after night of junk food will only add up come the end of the semester, let alone the year. Or you can purposely try and lose your appetite late at night through The Walking Dead, Dexter, or pictures of Snookie.

4.) There’s no “eye” in gym

A lot of people seem to go to the gym solely to check out what “goods” fellow gym-goers are packing as opposed to actually exercising. Not only do these people make it difficult for others to navigate the gym, seeing how they’re using machines they couldn’t operate if their lives depended on it, they just look ridiculous. At least do some jumping jacks while you wait for your knight in shining UnderArmour to notice you.


Every time I go to UMass’s library or even make a trip to the mall I can’thelp but be annoyed by the truckload of people trying to jam themselves into the confinements of an elevator as opposed to going up a flight of fifteen steps, if even that. Not only are the stairs less crowded and arguably safer – except when untied shoes are in the mix (that’s why I go Velcro!) – it can be a time saver if you go at a decent pace or take two steps at once. Plus, if you fart going up the stairs nobody will know!

If worse comes to worst, there’s always liposuction, the food baby abortion for people who don’t want to work for their swimsuit bodies. Sure, for fifteen pounds that may be a bit excessive but, on the bright side, you could always make soap out of the excess, a la Tyler Durden.

Photo: at http://pittbradford.wordpress.com/2011/11/21/what-the-heck-is-the-freshman-15/

Junior > Journalism and Architecture > University of Massachusetts Amherst

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