A Post Break-Up Guide to Flings

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They say everything should be a learning experience. Well, sometimes teachers come in the oddest forms. Who knew that your sneaking away from the bar or beach with that special someone could teach you something valuable about yourself?

Before you find yourself waking up in some unfamiliar place, there are some crucial things to consider before you proceed any further into a summer romance.

Sunshine on a cloudy day? 

If you’re still feeling the effects of a breakup, your judgment may still be cloudy. A fling that happens too soon after a relationship can be easily defined as rebound sex, and that kind of sex usually doesn’t happen for the best reasons. Just give yourself some time before you rush into something new and wait until you can trust your instincts again. 

Your pain won’t be healed

The truth is that someone else sweeping you off your feet and whisking you away doesn’t quite change your reality.  If you’re not holding on to any bitterness or pain due to your last real relationship, then feel free to have a good time. However, if you’re just not over it, a night of bliss with an attractive person is not enough to get you over your ex or heal your broken heart. A fuzzy night that moved too quickly may merely dull the pain, but it won’t bring any true healing.

Post-orgasm regret — it’s a thing 

The author of “Be Honest – You’re Not that Into Him Either” wrote that “if oxytocin, the cuddle hormone that promotes a sense of attachment [in a woman], has no emotional connection to attach to, the body feels empty.” Furthermore, Ian Kemer commented on post-sex regret for men. “Men, on the other hand, experience post-orgasmic regret in terms of not wanting to commit to their sexual partners. They are ready to fly the coop and look for someone more suitable.” Sex with no emotion can just develop into sadness and anger, neither of which you need more of. 

You — the heartbreaker 

Ever thought that the other person in your fling might be hurt by your actions? Maybe that person is looking for a little more than a casual relationship, a one night stand. Maybe you’re simply irresistible, and in the midst of being in your presence, your summer romance grew to really like you. Discarding them like yesterday’s newspaper or last season’s duds will leave you just as destructive as the ex who hit you like a hurricane. 

You deserve better 

You may not be ready for a serious relationship right now. You may not even be worth all of someone’s effort and affection right now. But in time, you may be someone deserving of having every part of someone special and being completely intimate – not just sexually. Sex and dating expert Bethany Miller wrote, “Do not lose your self-worth to be a fling to anyone.”

You deserve someone who cherishes and respects you, just like everyone else. Just like the Golden Rules says, you should treat people the way you want to be treated. If you’re having flings but are really wanting to be free to find true love, then don’t pull someone else into your sticky situation. Let them be free to find love as well. Instead of disguising your pain through role play and cocktails, work on becoming someone who can spot real romance when you see it and someone who couldn’t be more ready for it.

Photos by someecards.com  and dailymail.co.uk.

 

 

 

 

Senior > English > University of Missouri

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