It feels like forever since you were last studying for an exam in the lounge of your dormitory with your friends, doesn’t it? While the dictionary definition of “forever” doesn’t exactly match up with the scope of how long you feel like you’ve been gone, a month is still a long, long time. Sure, your bed is comfortable but something feels out of place – your heart just isn’t into winter break anymore. College Magazine has thrown together a “Top Nine Signs Your Winter Break is Dragging On” list, just for you. You know, because CM loves hipsters and a top 10 list is just too mainstream:
1.) Check your wallet
You see those green pieces of paper being eaten by the leathery constraints of that device that holds your IDs? That, my friends, is money. The first rule of being a college student is partying hard. The second rule of being a college student is…well, not to rip off Chuck “Fight Club” Palahniuk but by the time you reach the eighth or ninth rule you’ll see that being broke is, in fact, one of the 101s of college.
2.) You’re starting to miss _________
We all know that person: the guy or girl who lives in our dorm, going from door to door, looking to waste peoples’ time with pointless, single-serving conversations. Ignoring their Facebook Chats over break just doesn’t do it anymore – you want to say, “Sorry, I’ve got to go take a shower in broken glass” to their face and see. Don’t lie, [not that] deep down inside you love to see their disappointment fester. And if you don’t know who that person is…it’s probably you.
3.) Letterman’s Top 10 Lists, unlike this one, are now funny
You like a side of late night television with your midnight bowl of cereal. Just like the only girl in your engineering class looks like a world class model by the end of the semester, after watching Letterman’s lists five nights a week, you’re bound to start to find them funny.
4.) Procrastinating has become a chore
You start forgetting to shovel the snow, do the dishes or feed the killer whale in the backyard. Sitting around and doing nothing begins to become exhausting after a certain amount of time. As is feigning laughter at Letterman’s lists.
5.) Everything becomes an excuse to party
Back at college, the weekends and the occasional Thirsty Thursday were occasion enough to wind down by unzipping our zippers. No, not thosezippers; the zippers of our backpacks containing the handle of Captain that we smuggled past dorm security. Now that you’ve been away for so long, you’ll see a reason to celebrate the most trivial of matters, such as “I just ran a mile without bursting a lung” shots.
6.) Sleeping is now a stranger of a memory
Paradoxically, most people who say, “Ugh, I can’t wait to just go home and get some rest for five weeks” – ie most college students – end up going home to catch up on life in general. Whether you’re reading for fun or playing so much Madden/FIFA/NHL that you find yourself yelling controls at the team you support during live events, odds are you won’t be getting much sleep over the break.
7.) You start to remember why you went to an out-of-state college
83% of people who go to or have gone to high school loathe having to endure four years of dealing with the bros and bro-hos that roam the hallways like bacteria contaminating a throat with Strep. Now that you’re back in your hometown, seeing them reminds you why you put 481.5 miles between you and the people who saw you get flagged outside the gym in 9th grade.
8.) Home cooked meals have lost their novelty
Once you start to miss the inedible, laxative ridden food of your school’s diners, you know you’re in trouble. But hey, I’m sure you could find a Hardee’s somewhere to satisfy your hunger for unsatisfied hunger.
9.) You find yourself making or reading a list of signs that your break has…oh, sugar honey iced tea
Photo: joshme17 at flickr.com
The Comedic Stylings Of J.B. Smoove