Yesterday we unveiled the East Region matchups. Today we view the South Region. Tomorrow we head up North.
(1) Crash Davis
(16) Chazz Michael Michaels
When it comes to sports movies, I am a fan of those that are realistic. Also, ones that don’t annoy me. Chazz Michael Michaels of Blades of Glory is not real life. An overweight middle-aged man would never be admitted to the Olympics or partnered with Napolean Dynamite, but I digress. Crash Davis is that pessimistic jerk that everyone still roots for. He’s that leader you want on your team, even if it is just a movie. “Hey, and another thing, Meat. You don't know shit, all right? If you wanna make it to the bigs, you'll listen to me.” I sure would listen to him. WIN: Crash Davis
-Ashley Melfi
(8) Gordon Bombay
(9) Jimmy Dugan
For most, this is the rare 8-9 mismatch. However, as ESPN College Game Day analyst Lee Corso would say, not so fast my friend. Let’s give Gordon Bombay his props. He coaches the Dukes to a league championship and a junior Olympic title in The Mighty Ducks and D2. More significantly, his character becomes a crucial catchphrase in a classic flick, A Night at the Roxbury, as Emilio Estevez, The Mighty Ducks guy. Jimmy Dugan, played by Gene Hackman in The Replacements, represents the person who would rather lose with honor than win without it. During an NFL lockout, he brings in a much-maligned quarterback, a British placekicker and the dude from the “Make 7 Up Yours” commercial. When it’s all said and done, Bombay prevails, but respect the game.
WIN: Gordon Bombay
-Sam Spiegelman
(5) Dicky Eklund
(12) Shane Falco
This one’s just a matchup of the quality of movies in my opinion. Based on the boring and hackneyed happenings involved in The Replacements, I will give the edge to Dicky. Cleaning people’s boats one minute and the next he’s the quarterback for a professional football team? Sorry.
WIN: Dicky Eklund
-Nicholas Munson
(4) Norman Dale
(13) Jackie Love
Together, Norman Dale and Jackie love sound like a married doubles tennis duo that wins New England-wide country club championships, but has yet to address the state of their deteriorating marriage and rampant infidelity. In other news, I just found out that Jackie Love is Will Ferrell in Semi-Pro. I think I’d rather watch a movie about a tire that kills people over Semi-Pro. Hoosiers wins this one by about 80. WIN: Dale
-Lance Pauker
(6) Happy Gilmore
(11) Shooter McGavin
Ah, nothing like a matchup between the two stars in one of the best golf movies ever, i.e. Greatest Game Ever Played. Happy Gilmore, no matter how hilarious he was in the film, failed at his favorite sport (hockey), loses in a fight to Bob Barker, can’t putt for his life and is taught the game of golf by a man with one hand. Shooter McGavin, on the other hand, is the best the best at his sport of the time and has an original celebration that he named after himself. Ultimately, though, McGavin lost to Happy in the end. Oh yeah, Happy has a drive that is not only mammoth, but mimicked on mini-golf courses all over.
WIN: Happy Gilmore
-Dan Servodidio
(3) Bennie 'the Jet'
(14) Michael Jordan
Man, am I emotionally torn. Two of the movies that defined my childhood have characters pitted against each other. On one hand, we have Bennie “The Jet” Rodriguez, perhaps the best player to ever lace ‘em up on the Sandlot. And then we have MJ, the emotional leader of the Toon Squad whose ability to stretch his arm out really far may very well have saved mankind. Two iconic movies. Two iconic characters. I may be in the minority here, but Space Jam is a better movie than The Sandlot. Yup, I said it. So, in the biggest 3 vs. 14 upset since Northwestern State beat Iowa, I have MJ moving on.
WIN: Michael Jordan
-Danny Golden
(7) Boobie Miles
(10) Brandon Lang
Who payin you? Brandon Lang isn’t from Midland, but he sure does get paid. Lang is a simple southern, ex-QB that does two things: pull-ups and pick winners, and doesn’t need to wear a shirt for either of them. Boobie Miles also does two things: spin and talk trash. Unfortunately, he was unable to do either of those when he blew out his knee and was practically irrelevant for the rest of the movie. Lang is anything but irrelevant, and wins and loses millions of dollars for his followers and boss. Ultimately, Lang overcomes a period of self disillusionment, wins his last big game and retires on top.
WINNER: Brandon Lang
-Joe Cipollone
(2) Coach Ken Carter
(15) Sean Porter
A pair of do-gooders duking it out. On the one hand you have Porter, a detention center employee trying to rehabilitate kids, who is already dealing with drugs and gangs through football. On the other hand, you have Coach Carter who is attempting to put his players on the straight and narrow path and get them off to college. It seems Carter has the most profound impact on his players and sends six of them off to school. He can chalk up his coaching experience and this matchup to a win. WIN:
Coach Carter
-Taylor Schwink
