1. Sneakily Competitive Bitch: This girl acts all sweet and innocent to your face, but she is determined to appear more helpful and competent at every single opportunity. For example, your manager pops his head in and asks for someone to refill the Keurig-cup stand in the studio. Unless your butt left the seat within one millisecond of his head appearing around the corner, you’ll be sitting there dumbfounded in an empty room, listening to the fading click-click-click of this bitch’s heels as she races to get there first.
2. Creepy Guy: There’s always this one guy who clearly hasn’t been laid in like, ever, but somehow thinks his wrinkled slacks and gelled-back hair will work untold wonders upon the female intern population in an office setting. Warning: he will stare at your chest, and he will make some creepy, off-color jokes. He appears to suffer from intense-overconfidence-itis, a condition that (ironically) results from exclusively dating his right hand for the last six or so years.
3. The Party Animal: You can find this intern slumped over her desk at any given time, massaging her temples. She is also easily identifiable by the trembling hands and frequent, white-faced trips to the bathroom during the morning hours. She tends to perk up later during the day, at which point she regales the rest of the interns about all the crazy things she did the night before. Spoiler alert: She was “wasted”!
! This intern is only there because Daddy threatened to cut the credit card in half if she doesn’t get some credit this summer.
4. Your new (temporary) BFF: She tends to be the only semi-normal intern you can find in the office, and you cling to her tighter than Kim Kardashian clutches onto her relevancy
. even tighter than Kim K’s spanks. You guys have a great time together, laughing at the other interns’ shenanigans and complaining about the stupid stuff your boss asks you to do. You will exchange phone numbers and enthusiastically promise to go out together sometime. Heads up: You won’t.
5. The One with Smelly Lunch: In my opinion, no other intern is more detested than this particular one. He is a silent terrorist in the office, assaulting the freedom of everyone’s nostrils. Why would someone bring in food that smells like it was cooked in a Porta-potty?! The world may never know. Your only options are to go take a walk during lunchtime, or become a mouth-breather.