Okay, so this list isn’t entirely plausible, but midterms are coming up, and I want to cuddle with a panda as I wallow in misery over doodles that should have been notes. Is that too much to ask for?
1. Red Panda
Red panda, God must have spent a little more time on you.
2. Giant Panda
The only time obesity is considered cute. Can you imagine walking around with this guy on campus? Forget the jocks, this guy is a hunk!
3. (baby) Polar Bear
If you’re heart doesn’t melt when you see a Coke commercial, you might not have one. Full grown polar bears are okay, too, I guess…
4. River Otter
With a permit, you can keep ACTUALLY these little fellows as pets. They bite (like so hard they’ll take your finger off), but who cares if your bloody finger is in their mouth if they’re making this face? They’re also small so if you’re dorming in a tight spot…
5. Harp Seal
If you’re torn between the baby polar bear and the river otter, there’s always this option, though they probably do better in colder climates, like Antarctica. Anyone go to college down there?
6. Fennec Fox
Native to North Africa, these 5 pound buddies actually make great pets. The size of a cat with the personality of a dog – what’s not to love? Also, they can pass for a bunny/cat hybrid in case your landlord is particular.
I think everyone goes through the “I-want-a-wolf-as-a-pet phase,” but seriously… look at this majestic hunk of monster. For your sanity and physical well-being, a husky might be a better choice, unless you just want to look cool for the neighbors.
8. Emperor Penguin chick
There are only three words: Oh my God. Plus, they mate for life, so they’re bound to be a loyal pet.
9. Pygmy Marmoset
Monkeys generally smell, but how bad can this one smell when he only weights four to seven OUNCES? They live into their early 20s – so if you’re a commitment-phobe, it might not be the best idea to try to kidnap one of these from a zoo, though sticking one in your pocket seems to be a fairly easy getaway. And then you can totally take it to class with you in, like, a pencil case or something!
10. Pygmy Pig
The squealing will make you want to slaughter this thing, but you’d probably only get a few slices of bacon out of it anyway. Plus, can you really slaughter a pig wearing rain boots?