Would You Rather? FSU Edition

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Getting to know someone new always piques my curiosity. Will they laugh at my jokes? Do they have good taste in music? Would they lay on Landis with me and try to get other people’s dogs to come over to us? You could talk to them for a couple months, ask about their major and interests, wait for them to feel comfortable enough to share an embarrassing anecdote, like that time they walked out of the bathroom in Strozier and didn’t realize the toilet seat cover was tucked in their pants and spotted with a few drops of piss and toilet water. Or you could take a stroll along Legacy walk, play a game of would you rather and bond over your shared fascination with the concept of Greek life.

Check out these 10 Would You Rather Questions that will test your Seminole sanity.

1. Would you rather skinny dip at Westcott on a Monday afternoon or only eat Gumby’s pizza until you graduate?

Unless you’ve just stumbled out of Bull’s on a five-dollar all-you-can-drink Thursday, I almost guarantee all the DD’s around will judge you for stuffing your face with a slice of Gumby’s. Whether you have one six-week summer semester left or your whole college career ahead of you, I think this one answers itself. “I’d rather skinny dip in Westcott then because… it’s Gumby’s,” said FSU senior Matt Tonglet. Recycling rules, and I think FSU should add bins for cardboard products on campus, so Gumby’s will stop spreading a thin layer of “red sauce” and the equivalent of one bottle cap’s worth of cheese all over it and calling it pizza. Never mind the weekend guilt that drags everyone to class on Monday. Do yourself and your lower intestines a favor and show the world those butt cheeks instead.

2. Would you rather everyone in your HCB class forget to wear socks or forget to wear deodorant?

As you know, HCB oozes the funk of forty thousand feet already, so a few hundred more sockless Sperry boat shoes won’t do too much damage. On the other hand, you could experience the caveman thrill of smelling some B.O. you wouldn’t mind sharing a bed with for the rest of your life. This one really makes me think, which stink is harder to shake? You can wash a shirt, but I have a pair of Converse that have smelled like feet since eighth grade. “I’d rather everyone forget to wear socks. I’m so short everyone’s armpits are right in my face already,” said FSU junior Bridget Nievinski. If you find yourself getting too comfortable in HCB, taking off your shoes and rubbing your toes on the carpet and shit, please stop. It smells like feet in here.

3. Would you rather get hit by a car on Tennessee Street or a bus on FSU’s campus?

“Yes. All of the above. Just hit me, open invitation. But probably a bus so I could be that scene from Mean Girls,” said FSU junior Cullen Marshall. Move around in Tallahassee enough and you’ll see both almost happen every day. Dudes who ride their skateboards through the crosswalk, chicks in Tory Burch sandals checking Twitter and sucking Starbucks, freshmen about to miss the bus. What do they all have in common? A big, fat sign on their back that says, “Hit me, I dare you. I could use some free tuition.” But we all know the entity more likely to take you out in these streets: the student driver adding more Drake to the queue. Be careful out there.

4. Would you rather pull an all-nighter in Strozier or Dirac?

What atmosphere empowers you to make one of the worst decisions every college kid has to make at least once at university? “Strozier. In Dirac everyone looks at you funny if you like scoot your chair. They have no time for the shenanigans and hooligans. It’s a very scary place,” said FSU sophomore James Hurley. Do you want the serious, studious STEM kids? Or the fluorescent socialite buzz of Club Stroz? Either way, you’ve got coffee, computers and a lot of regret ahead of you.

5. Would you rather be drunk or sober for a three-hour lecture?

I’m slumping down in my seat regardless of my BAC if some professor expects three hours of my full attention. “Drunk. I feel like I would be more open to asking questions. I dunno, it might be fun,” said FSU senior Taylor Bonachea. Getting a little tipsy could make things interesting for the first hour, but if I sober up at some point you better believe I’m getting grouchy, hungry and falling asleep in my chair. In that order.

6. Would you rather study abroad in an English-speaking country or somewhere that primarily speaks a different language?

Other cultures offer life-changing perspectives and the opportunity to speak broken French really loud on the metro at midnight and let everybody else know you’re from America. Don’t feel like you have to hide from the strange sensation that you don’t fully belong. In fact, you should embrace it. “I think another language would be more interesting. Even if you don’t fully understand, it’s still interesting to immerse yourself in another culture,” said FSU senior Miguel Derett. Being in someone else’s home can help you understand how you welcome strangers into yours. But going somewhere that speaks English can do that too. They drive on the left-hand side in England and Australia and say words funny, in addition to numerous other nuanced cultural difference.

7. Would you rather wait in line sober for an hour with all the freshmen at Bajas during Fall semester drop/add week or puke your brains out at White Trash Wednesday for 30 minutes?

Life demands pain, existence brings suffering. Looking at the bigger picture, at least you got into White Trash and probably had some kind of fun before you dropped to your knees on the whiskey-and-dirt-slicked tiles. Perhaps you’ll reconnect with God while you try desperately to remember if you had a vodka-cranberry or decide you need an Uber ride to the E.R. “That’s a lot of minutes of throwing up. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. I’d say Baja’s because throwing up is the worst,” said Marshall. The line at Bajas could depress you beyond belief once you realize you just entered a queue for freshly 18-year-olds and that one 30-year-old to anonymously dry-hump each other in the dark and pretend nobody saw them get shoved away in rejection. At least you can leave as soon as you get inside. We get a limited amount of time on this Earth, so choose wisely.

8. Would you rather walk across campus (from Fresh to Diffenbaugh) in six-inch heels or barefoot at noon in the summer?

FAMU may have more of Tally’s highest hills but take the L and choose the heels over bare feet. “I’d pick heels but Work Bitch by Britney Spears is playing in the background,” said Hurley. I might twist my ankle, but I prefer that to getting to Diffenbaugh with six inches of dead skin flapping around and the soles of my feet looking like under-cooked burger-meat.

9. Would you rather get tickets to a Clemson or Miami football game?

…Neither,” said Derett. I feel that. I don’t know a lot about football. Okay, so I don’t know anything about football. But I’ve heard I should hate these teams because I go to FSU, and I love me some good, ol’ fashion blind conformity, so f—k ‘em.

10. Would you rather have straight A’s and absolutely no social life or get mediocre grades and party hard?

Nothing beats standing in a crowded kitchen with a red solo cup full of jungle juice and remembering you’ve got a paper due at midnight. “I feel like A’s would get me better than partying, plus you can party once you have a job. Not that you’d want to anymore,” said FSU senior Lindsay Fieger. FSU frequently makes the list of top party schools in America, and we’ve been forced to collectively pretend these should be the best years of our lives. Your millennial anxiety probably won’t let you forget that these also represent the years we can not screw up. Getting a job without a college degree feels nearly impossible, so would you rather be a loser and maybe eventually get paid or drag your JanSport across the finish line in a cold caffeine-fueled sweat, still laughing about the time you skinny dipped at Westcott?

Meet Shelby Scott Fintak, 21. Falafel enthusiast. Appreciates a good slime or simile. Overly sardonic but not too sadistic. Will watch and review your mukbang free of charge.

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