Sex in the movies is always sporadic, hot and smooth-but no one ever explains just how awkward hooking up can be sometimes. Hollywood never shows the weird moments when undressing seems like an obstacle course, the five minutes he took trying to get the condom on like he was Saran wrapping a popsicle or the uneasy moments after it’s over.
So let me let you in on some insight about what girls are actually thinking during sex:
Before Sex
Sex scenes are romantic and steamy, but they never portray the not so sexy moments prior to getting it on-like when he’s in the corner tripping over his pant legs and you’re on the bed stuck with your shirt above your head. Getting undressed never seems to go as swimmingly as it does on the big screen.
Here’s how it’s usually playing in a girl’s head:
“Dude, it’s not Rubix Cube, it’s a bra… ok, here, I’ll freaking get it.”
“Seriously, by the time you get that thing on I’m not going to be in the mood anymore.”
“Hmm… I wonder when the last time I shaved was.”
“Is it in..?”
During
So finally you’re undressed and things are getting pretty hot and heavy. I wish it was as awesome as it seems to be when the actors do it. Unfortunately this is how it usually goes.
On top…
“This is a terrible angle-there’s no way I could look good. I need to go to a gym.”
On bottom...
“I’m starving. I wonder if I have any pizza left over from last night.”
Too fast…
“What do you think you are, a jack hammer?”
Too much…
“What do you think I am, an acrobat? My leg does NOT bend that way.”
Giving up...
“Ok maybe if I close my eyes… oh yeah… Ryan Gosling.”
Afterwards
After all thesweat and heavy breathing is over, you’re now well aware that you’re both disgusting and lying there naked. So now what?
“Where the hell are my clothes?”
Realizing you need a shower and a reevaluation of your life:
“Really in my hair?”
