Allow me to paint you a scene: it’s 10:15 on a Friday morning. You’ve just woken up next to the lucky winner of last night’s round of “Whose Bed Is It, Anyway?” Your spandex dress that your mother loathes is in a clump on the floor next to your sky-high going-out heels and the lacy push-up bra that you only wear when you know someone is going to see it. And you have class in 45 minutes.
We all shudder at the green mile of the college dating scene – the Walk of Shame. Getting from the cozy bed of that sexy someone to your dorm room unnoticed can present a gaggle of wardrobe (and dignity) problems on the morning after. No matter what time or day of the week this cringe-inducing journey takes place, there always seems to be a classmate, ex-roommate, or former freshman orientation buddy walking in the same direction you are – except they’re not in last night’s wrinkled, beer-drenched ensemble.
Kelsey, a sophomore at Boston College, says of this dreaded trek, “It’s not like I can yell to everyone I pass, IT’S OKAY! IT WAS MY BOYFRIEND!” Kelsey is right – the strangers you pass won’t know or care if it’s a one-night stand or a serious, long-term relationship, and there’s a good chance you’ll be judged regardless for wearing a body-con skirt before noon. Which is why I’ve compiled this list of tips to make your next Walk of Shame a little less shameful.
Borrow a sweatshirt, preferably an oversized one. If you can get away with it, the sweatshirt is the ideal choice for comfort and stealth-ness during your walk. A tee-shirt would require you to put on a bra, and let’s be honest – there is no way you are strapping yourself back into that Victorian-era corset that pushes your boobs up to your earlobes. And if for whatever reason you can’t return it, then boom – free sweatshirt. Those things cost, like, $35. This hookup just made you money.
While you’re at it, borrow some sweatpants too. Sweatpants or pajama pants are the ideal choice for a Walk of Shame. While shorts may be more comfortable during the warmer seasons, sweats and pajama pants do a better job of hiding the fact that you’re wearing those strappy heels in broad daylight. And once again, they present the potential for obtaining free clothes (see above).
Check yourself out. Before you leave the safety of your beau’s place, make a pit stop at the bathroom and take a look at yourself in the mirror. Smeared eyeliner is a dead giveaway that your walk home is less than innocent. Wipe that stuff off and show your pretty face to the world.
And finally, smile. Stand up straight. Hold your head high. This walk is as shameful as you make it. If you look embarrassed, others will see it. But if you stride coolly and confidently across campus, nobody will have any reason to judge you.
And if you get whistled at by that kid in your Lit class, just remember – you got some last night. And that, my friends, is deserving of a Walk of Pride.
Photos taken from readersdigest.co.nz and 5fingerevents.com