I have been working with this guy for about 5 months now. During that time I have grown feelings for him and recently confessed them to him. He responded by saying he would like to take me out on a date but didn’t exactly say he liked me back. There’s another problem, he is also my boss and 5 years older than me. We are both adults though, he is 23 and I am 18. Should I pursue this further or just let it go? How do I find out if he likes me without freaking him out? I just don’t know how to go about all this.â¨
Itâs a good sign that heâs willing to take you out on a date â and I have a lot of respect for your putting yourself out there like that. Many people are scared to confess to liking a crush, and it sounds like you had the self-confidence to do it. Good for you.
Why are people scared to tell their crushes that they like them? Because theyâre terrified of being rejected. You probably were too, which is why youâre searching for evidence to the contrary. In your head, you probably had an idea of a âgood scenarioâ outcome where he would confess his feelings for you. The âbad scenarioâ would be for him to say he wasnât attracted to you and walk away.
But now youâre stuck in the middle of what you consider âgoodâ or âbad;â he agreed to go on a date but didnât say he liked you back. And you know what? Thatâs completely okay. You should consider that a positive response, not a neutral one.
Thereâs also the possibility that heâs been crushing on you too, despite his lack of honesty about it. Donât forgetâheâs your boss. I donât know what kind of job you have, but there are a lot of situations where a boss can easily be fired for getting involved with an employee. This may be the source of his hesitancy. Heâs weighing the risk of getting fired with his attraction to you.
The signs so far have only been positive, and you should treat it like that. Donât nervously contemplate how he feelsâ¦instead, go on the date with the guy youâve been crushing on. Go with it, and you may end up being pleasantly surprised with how things turn out.
â¨I met this guy who is a freshman and thought was attractive (I am an upperclassman) and we casually know each other from before. I met him at a party and thought I should ask him to dance with me so I did and he happily obliged and we danced all night long. Although things were getting pretty steamy and we were into each other and I hoped he would initiate something, he didn’t. Almost a week later I suggested we hangout on a weekend but he said he already “had other plans” but decided to exchange numbers instead so we could “talk”. Haven’t heard from him since then and I haven’t initiated a conversation either. Whats going on? Did I offer too much?
This is why I HATE texting. It has forced upon us a horrible game we must play with the people we like. Youâre judging his level of interest because he hasnât texted you. What if heâs doing the same thing? Heâs clearly into youâif he wasnât, he wouldnât have asked for your number.
The game of texting is a game of questions. Who texted first? How long did it take them to respond? Are they continuing the conversation, or just answering my questions? Why do they sound so disinterested?
We try so hard to read meaning into text messaging, but that leads us to make conclusions that are completely invalid. He may be waiting for you to text him firstâwho was the last one to respond in the conversation?
You canât let yourself go down the path of creating stories to justify such a small amount of behavior. Thereâs three pieces of information that you have about this guy. The first is that he danced with you at the party and didnât hook up. You think this means he might not be interestedâthatâs the negative outlook. The positive one would be that he liked you too much and didnât want you to be a random hookup.
Then he was busy when you asked him out, but he asked to exchange numbers. Negative viewâheâs making excuses. Positive oneâhe likes you but he was busy, so he asked for your number.
And now he hasnât texted you. The negative view is that heâs doesnât care enoughâ¦and the positive one is that he is waiting for you to text first.
You can tell yourself any kind of story you want, but itâs better if you remain positive and give it a good effort. Text him first, ask him when heâs free before inviting him out, and let him make the next move. See if heâs helping to progress the relationship. Remember: if you donât try, theÂ relationship is guaranteed to fail.
Anonymously ask Noah your own hookup/dating/sex/relationship question below and you might find your answer in next week’s column.Â
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