The feelings of having a new crush can be super overwhelming. The majority of us have all felt the butterflies in our belly when we meet someone we want to get to know better. However, coming off too strong can lead to you being called one of the most dreaded words: a simp.
Here’s 10 do’s and don’ts for handling this exact situation.
1. Do Ask About Their Interests!
Getting to know someone starts with the simple questions: What’s your favourite color? What are your hobbies? Do you have a favourite movie? Yes, the “talking phase” could get a bit exhausting, but it shows an effort being made to get to know them. Next time you see them, you can start up a conversation about similar interests. This way, you always have something to talk about for the future.
2. Don’t Scare Them Away with Personal Questions
Getting to know someone can feel challenging. One should always remember that personal questions should be avoided in the first few encounters.
“Letting them open up about personal stuff on their own time is so important,” College of the Desert freshman Matthew Salazar said.
When it comes to moving further in a relationship, your partner should be able to open up on their own terms. It shows patience and understanding on your part. When the relationship evolves into more than being casual acquaintances, then the questions can too.
3. Do Have Realistic Expectations
You should be wary about building up idealistic expectations at the very beginning of a relationship. Sometimes a relationship doesn’t work out, which can happen more often than you think. Some people just connect better and that isn’t anyone’s fault. We should always come to terms with the fact that not every relationship can work. Keep your head up and try again elsewhere.
4. Don’t Apply Pressure
Being forceful can really turn a relationship sideways. Not everyone wants the same things as you and that’s completely valid. You should never pressure someone to do anything they have no interest in being a part of. Everyone wants their relationship to work, but it won’t always be a guarantee. Keep on searching, the right one will be out there waiting for you.
5. Do Show You are Interested
Emphasizing your interest in someone can be shown by being able to keep up a good conversation. Even the casual, “How was your day?” can sound sweet and show how much you care.
“It can be something so simple, but it shows he’s been thinking about me,” College of the Desert freshman Izaliah Aguilar said.
Sometimes, not being able to hold a conversation can be a bit of a turn off. The conversation doesn’t need to be extraordinary right out of the park. Keep it simple and keep it you.
6. Don’t Try to Move the Relationship So Fast
Every relationship has different paces, but that shouldn’t mean everything needs to be done within a number of weeks. All good things build gradually.
“When you get comfortable too fast, you start to get a bit tired with each other because there is no space to grow,” College of the Desert freshman Julyana Contreras said.
Allow things to take time and move forward as you continue to get to know one another. This can give you an idea if you both can be a good fit for one another.
7. Do Ask About Their Boundaries
Showing that you respect someone can earn their trust without coming off too strong. Some people will have more experience in relationships than you, but some may not. Always remember everyone has different lives and overall experiences. Consent to everything should be significant in everyday life. Never forget that.
8. Don’t Overthink Things
The person you want to get to know isn’t actively ignoring you. It may feel a bit upsetting at first, but life can be pretty unpredictable. Sometimes your schedules don’t line up for a few weeks, but hope should not be lost.
“Everyone’s schedule can get a bit hectic, especially during school. There will be a time when they can’t answer right away, but it’s not because they are ignoring you,” UCSB freshman Andrea Paz said.
Always remember that time will eventually become available and if they really want to get to know you, their effort will show.
9. Do Be A Friend
When we acknowledge that we can be there for someone important to us, it makes all the difference. Sometimes just being a trusted friend first can be a step in the right direction. Building trust through a friendship can prove loyalty and kindness, a step into being in a relationship. A partner shouldn’t just act as a lover, but a best friend too.
10. Don’t Change Who You Are
While it may not always feel true, every part of you will be appreciated by someone out there. Your value within comes from what you already possess, not through unnecessary change. Changing yourself to better fit someone else’s life will also be damaging to both parties in the end. Keep being the best version of you by staying true to yourself and your morals.