If you don’t have an iPhone or an equally capable equivalent you are at risk for social ostracism more than ever before because of the phenomenon that is Snapchat. This inexplicably entertaining app allows you to send what my aunt calls “five second face pictures” to your friends, family and, if you’re especially audacious, complete strangers. Snapchat has taken off in recent months almost as quickly as denim on denim has stopped being an atrocity. It seems that no situation is inappropriate for a Snapchat, as I have received them from friends at work, in class, at dinner and on even the toilet.
However, I have bad news for you Snapchat enthusiasts: there are times and places where a Snapchat is simply not a good idea. I will kindly suggest a sort of Snapchat etiquette to help you in those harrowing moments when faced with the question: to snap or not to snap?
There is no worse way to find out that someone isn’t listening to you than by seeing them make a weird face into their lap. I know what you’re doing, rude snapchatter. Especially if you mass chat that snap out to everyone in your contacts…including me.
Snapchat pictures of your food
The reaction will either be disgust, apathy or jealousy, so why even bother.
Conduct full conversations over Snapchat
This is what texting is for. I don’t need your weird kissy face, no matter how hilarious, to ask me “what’s up?”
Snapchat erotic pictures
Just because you think it will only last 5 seconds doesn’t mean it will only last 5 seconds. People are fast with their fingers. and you know what that means….screen-shotting. Unless you want to risk it, stick to snapchatting funny faces and pictures of your cat.
Snapchat videos in clubs or raves
Not only is it too dark for me to see what you’re doing, the unexpected static-y blare of dance music might just be the end of my phone speaker and/or eardrums. Plus now we all know you’re out doing something fun, and I’m at home checking Snapchats. Cruel.
Other places you shouldn’t Snapchat:
The gynecologist office
File that under ‘people who definitely shouldn’t snapchat at work’.
This won’t end well for you or your phone.
If you can’t resist, stay after for the AAA [App Addicts Anonymous] meeting.
Snapchat embarrassing baby/adolescent photos of friends
Extra points for excellent 90s attire.
Snapchat in costume
Facemasks and wigs of all sort appreciated.
Shoot me a picture of that frosty keg or pitcher of sangria and tell me to come over…I love it.
Snapchat celebrity sightings
It’s almost like I saw them for a second too!
Snapchat pictures and videos of cute animals
Anyone with a heart loves them no matter what they say.
Screenshot any and everything you can
You never know when it will come in handy!