How to Have Novelty Sex – and Not Get Caught

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If you’ll recall, darling readers, I’m a big proponent of simple sex, with a little bit of a twist. If you start with simple ice cream, and add some sprinkles and hot fudge, you’ve just gone from blah-nilla to something a helluva lot sweeter – your own creation, tailor-made to make you scream… for ice cream or something a little less kid-friendly.

That being said, sometimes you just gotta try the banana split. And that, my friends, is where novelty sex comes in.

Sex in an empty classroom. Sex on the beach. Sex in your childhood bedroom. Location, location, location – not just for real estate agents, varying the surroundings can really spice up an otherwise quiet sex life. But the key is to do it well, which requires a bit of planning.   Remember, responsible = sexy.

Step 1) Do your homework.

Survey the scene before you and your friendly friend make moves. Are you in a decently concealed area? If you’re focusing on extra curriculars in a classroom with your study buddy, are you SURE there isn’t a janitor scheduled to come by, or a late-night class? Have you checked to make sure your noises aren’t audible from down the hall? A quick scan of the situation can save you from an awkward explanation.

Step 2) Mission Impossible Moves

There are definitely times for tricky acrobatic moves. Now is not the time. Sorry, you crazy thrill-junkies but sex in a naughty place is typically enough of an adrenaline rush for even the biggest risk-seeker. Try a position where one of you has an eye on the door. A position that many couples hope to try, and few ever get the chance to, sex standing up is a primal, “need-you-now” stance that only enhances the experience.  Furthermore, this leaves plenty of time to regain your composure.

Step 3) Concealing Your Crime

Remember a few key items: speed, nudity, and clean-up. How quickly can you clamber to pull on your drawers, should you be interrupted?  If you ARE discovered, how much of you would be exposed? And lastly, make sure your clothes aren’t too far flung. Scrambling to get your panties on from around your ankles is hardly the least flattering position in which to be caught.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again – sex is so much more mental than one might realize. If you’re panicking about being discovered by a policeman, a custodian, or even worse – someone’s father – the last thing on your mind is orgasming. Those Boy Scouts had the right idea: it pays to always be prepared.  

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