We’ve all had a rough night or two. Whether you’re in the library or at your favorite bar, the texts uncovered the next day can serve as your guide to the night before. College is an interesting time for all and our text messages are usually very telling. Although these screenshots make us cringe now, in the future these funny texts will serve as artifacts of the best time in our lives.
Keep reading for 10 funny texts you’ll only see as a college student.
1. The special text you get from your roommate when she steals your things
We tend to forget to return belongings back to our roommates. Sometimes you have to take the initiative and walk to your roommate’s room to get your things… or never ever see them again. When your roommate steals your dearest treasures like snacks, phone chargers and your favorite pair of jeans, tension can build in the house. “Living with your bffs is both a blessing and a curse. Blessing because your closet is now doubled but a curse because your favorite going out shirt goes missing on the regular,” said American University senior Talia Harris.
2. The Birthday Text
We all look forward to our birthdays in the era of social media. That’s when the embarrassing or drunk photos of your past year parade across Facebook and Instagram. We all think 21 is the year for the craziest fun birthday, but then 22 two hits. There just aren’t any birthdays as exciting and new as the previous year, so you round up the tequila shots on a Monday night. Every time you’re out in college, the constant flashes and phones in your face become the result of Snapchat documentation. Did you even go out if you don’t have a Snap story?
3. The “are you done finals?” text
After finals season ends in college, many special things can happen. People either go home and relax or party like there is no tomorrow. Others may have to finish up some last minute work and possibly make up with an estranged lover… or two. Whatever you’re doing after finals, you can expect a text from one of your friends encouraging crazy, carefree behavior. We work super hard all semester and then when freedom from papers and exams hits, we let it out.
4. The “can we pre game with you?” text
One thing most college kids love to do is drink before the actual party starts, AKA pre-gaming. Not many people after the age of twenty-three enjoy showing up to a smaller party before the real party to rip shots of Peach Svedka. That being said, no one likes showing up to a pre-game without an official invitation. In college you’ll receive several text messages before a party asking what pre-game you’re going to and if it’s okay to tag along. These texts make you feel good about yourself—you feel as if you’re the center of the party scene and know where to find the go to exclusive pre-games.
5. The “can you join me while getting drunk mid-day?” text
Sometimes while sitting in your room on a Wednesday at 3 p.m. reading psychology journals, you hear a blender downstairs. Why? Your roommate decided to create a Margaritaville-themed afternoon. Day drinking in college happens on the reg. And oddly enough, you’ll always find yourself inching away from your work and moving toward the tequila. If you don’t have an assignment due that day, why not drink your worries away in your living room with a few friends? “It is a struggle to constantly say no to day drinking being in many different social circles. You always have someone hitting you up to chill,” said AU junior Jake Silverman.
6. The alcohol withdrawal text
You party hard on the weekend and then all of a sudden, Monday hits you like a truck. If you go to a school with a work hard play hard mindset, you get it. You may also feel grumpy in general that week so you try to point out random things in the group chat. Procrastination can lead to all sorts of strange observations. One day the house may smell like gas and you just have to take time out of writing your essay—that’s due in an hour—to tell the group chat about it.
7. The quiet down text from your roommates
Let’s face it—not everyone wants to go out every night. Beyond that, sometimes roommates get very pissed off at noisy antics. Almost any night you could find a group chat blowing up because one of the roommates is drunk screaming or watching Gilmore Girls too loudly. “Living in a house with roomies can be tricky because on some nights a few of us might want to have people over and go out, but someone else in the house might have a test and want it quiet. So the difference of schedules can be tough,” said AU junior Sydney Bevando.
8. The utilities text
When you live in a house or apartment, you probably delegate utilities amongst your roommates. This can cause major drama especially when people forget to pay on time. Even worse, if one of your roommates forgets the bill they are responsible for, you all may need to pay late fees. We all should have listened to Biggy when he told us “mo money mo problems.” “You know you’re a senior in college when every text in the roommate group chat is requesting money for a different utility,” said AU senior Gabriella Lourie.
9. The “I’m drunk and you’re studying” text
Throughout the college life periods of sobriety are a must. Sometimes you have to be responsible, slave over work and not get sleep. And at the same time, your one friend will be drunk and annoying AF. These are the nights that give you the most FOMO, but usually help your academic career. In college, you need to sacrifice some nights of fun to actually succeed. It sucks but that’s what we signed up for. “It’s sometimes super annoying when your friends Snap or text you when they’re out. One it gives you FOMO and two sometimes your friends do not realize how inconsiderate it can be,” said AU junior Yukare Nakayama.
10. The “I was lured with food” text
When someone is willing to buy us a drink, we smile yes with open hands and mouths. When someone offers to buy you food, you take it, particularly when you haven’t eaten a proper meal in a very long time. Then you assume they’re a nice person. On the flip side, if you aren’t really into him but he willingly buys you sushi, take the spicy tuna and run. “I have to say, scheming men of food is usually my favorite part of the night. A lot of the time I won’t even hook up with them, I’ll just take the pizza and leave,” said AU sophomore Anna Perez. College may be the only time in life where it seems a little acceptable to take the food and bounce sans regrets.
Need something funny to get you through the semester? Check out more funny texts.
Written by Lily Coltoff.
11. When you and your friend both give up together
Nothing strikes as much fear or frustration in the hearts of college students as seeing an email pop up on your phone from “Professor Hard***” or “Dr. Ruins-my-day.” While sometimes these messages may, blessedly, wind up being heaven-sent announcements canceling class, often they bear the bad news that the project you thought was due next week needs to be turned in by midnight or that a guest lecturer will be speaking on campus and attending counts towards your grade. No one enjoys these emails ever, but having a classmate or friend to commiserate (or scheme) with makes these situations survivable. Except for those 8 a.m. economics lectures… I don’t think anything could make those better.
12. #RoommateGoals
College sucks sometimes, but living with friends makes everything a little better. Sharing a room and spending time with someone on the same wavelength as you allows you to relax fully in your room, and let your inner weirdo shine through. Getting along with your roommate also means you can be brutally honest without the fear of hurting their feelings. A decent friend will say you look fine, but a good roommate will tell you that your dress doesn’t flatter you enough and that you should borrow hers.
13. College summarized
Can any phrase describe college better than “everything hurts and I’m dying?” Being in school means that everything from sinks to assignments to your mental state seem to constantly fall apart. While duct tape might hold together a broken dresser and coffee will push you through a five-page research paper, you can only do so much to keep everything from falling apart. Finding a creative approach to taking advantage of the situation (like realizing that your broken laptop lets you spend time in the library computer lab across from that cutie who works the front desk) can help you make it through… and shows off the terrific ingenuity of college students.
14. When midterms hit you hard
While no one likes finals, at least you know when they happen. Midterms, on the other hand, are almost never in the middle of the term, and the stress of them can hit you at any point—literally. Facing the reality of exams hurts, but falling face-first onto the floor because of exam exhaustion can deal even more damage. No one wants to take a hit to their GPA, but you really don’t want to deal with the consequences of a concussion. We all love to laugh at stories of people falling out of their chairs, but paying attention to your schedule, both academically and sleep-wise, can save a ton of embarrassment.
15. Nothing says college like Netflix and procrastination
No offense to Parks and Rec fans. We all have our preferences, and at least we can all agree that a Netflix marathon beats running an actual marathon by a long shot. Granted, we probably all have more important and maybe even “better” things to do, but who can pass up a great opportunity to watch Netflix and chill? You may not be checking things off your to-do list, but at least you can feel satisfied in clearing out your queue. Plus, nothing feels as satisfying a finishing a season, or series, of a show after so many hours and so much commitment. It feels as good as completing that essay for your public health class that you really should be working on. But what difference could just one more episode of Bob’s Burgers make?
16. We all love eating, but hate making food
College students: perpetually hungry and extremely lazy. The idea of making food feels overwhelming at best. While some campuses may have plenty of options, most of those mean getting up and leaving the building. If you’re not up for that, your options equal ramen or EasyMac, or spending precious cash on delivery. Remember you need to eat, no matter how little you may want to. Chips can serve as a great snack, but a sandwich works better as a real deal meal.
17. I mean, basically
Does anything sum up college better than this? I think not. Stress, whether over mounting assignments, work for internships or jobs and trouble with friends, can build up to overwhelming feelings of frustration and anxiety. Sometimes, you can feel like it’s hard to breathe or even function. Make sure to take good care of yourself, because your health matters more than your grades. If you start to feel like your dying, step back from your work and take care of yourself. You’ll be glad you did.
18. *sings* “We’re all in this together!”
I’m not going to lie—most of the time I’m the one sending the grey messages. But we’ve all been on one side of this discussion, forgetting, or sometimes ignoring, work until the last minute. Luckily, having a classmate or friend in the same boat makes those long nights in the library pouring over an essay or cramming for that physics exam much more survivable. Hey, at least you don’t have to suffer on your own. Plus, working with someone else in the eleventh-hour comforts you in knowing that, even if you feel like you’re going to fail, you’re not the only one thinking that.
19. McNuggets = manna from the heavens
Fast food may not be good for you, but DAMN does it taste good. Whether you’re suffering heartbreak after being rejected by that cute boy in dance class, struggling to finish those 200 pages of reading for theater class or just trying to overcome that hump-day slump, greasy junk food does an incredible amount of good. Snacks, especially high-calorie ones, keep students going in even the toughest of times. And, after so many meals at the dining hall or from the campus Subway, even indulging in some McDonalds feels like treating yourself to a fancy feast. Just make sure to order some fries, too, and ranch: the best dipping sauce ever.
20. Moms mean well, they really do
Some moms check in to make sure you’re eating enough. Others may want to know about your grades. My mom occasionally checks in to see why I’m not out partying and “having a real social life.” Texts from parents may feel intrusive at times, but you should know that they do really come from a place of love. Even if the constant messages annoy you, it just means they care. They deserve an answer, especially since these people are probably helping to finance your education and living expenses. All this gentle teasing shows love; like Mother Gothel says in Tangled, “Mother knows best!”
21. Party hard!!!
Ah, alcohol: The chosen beverage of many college students. Whether it be fancy cocktails at that bar you used a fake to get into or PBRs at that frat party in the semi-gross basement of a local home, every student will likely have at least one encounter with alcohol during their college career. Dealing with drunk people seems amusing at times, but sometimes it’s pretty concerning or downright scary. Drunk roommates especially trouble those who share a bathroom or have a carpeted floor. If they know their limits, however, it can be fun to watch from a distance. At least until the next day… But then you can laugh at all the dumb texts they sent.
College Magazine does not promote underage drinking. Please drink responsibly.
Updated on November 29, 2017 to include items 11-21 by Lily Coltoff.
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