Frat Stars Or Interior Decorators?

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Sorority girls are constantly ridiculed by the media, GDIs and hot and bothered feminists everywhere. I mean, just check out the backlash Alabama’s chapter of Alpha Phi received for its recruitment video–those girls were merely trying to depict their best attributes. Let them bleach their hair in peace. The most consistent sorority critique, though, seems to revolve around the “srat uniform,” which has infamously turned 18 to 22 year old females across the nation into oversized t-shirt and chaco-wearing clones. While this is an entirely fact-based observation, the idea that sorority girls are the only trend-following members of Greek communities needs to be debunked.

Allow me to direct your attention to the future home decor experts of America–Frat Stars. I cannot be the only person who has noticed the ubiquitous nature of the inventive decoration trends featured in fraternity living spaces. I’d venture to say that it’s even more common than the “srat uniform” (Gasp). Don’t get me wrong fellas–I appreciate your style. But you also can’t argue that a single one of you is all that original. Here are 10 of the most common frat decorations that I’ve secretly observed while pretending to sip on a beer and complaining about the sludge on the floor.

Lawn Chairs as Furniture

Because “always” is the best time for a tailgate. In actuality, if you don’t mind the aesthetic displeasure, fold out chairs along the wall is way more frugal and durable than a nice, pillow-filled, plush, inviting couch. Who likes comfort anyway?

Inflatable Decorations

Taxidermy is weird. But an inflatable, happy-go-lucky-looking moose head thumb tacked to the wall screams “We appreciate culture, but we are too compassionate to actually kill an animal.” The subtle appeal to your sensitive side will make females swoon. Well played boys.

Stolen Street Signs

Why buy a street sign from some boutique or vintage shop when you could get one with your five finger discount on literally any corner in the country. I mean good gosh, those things are everywhere. It makes perfect sense to commit a crime for the sake of your vision for the living room entrance. Nothing screams “welcome home” like a misdemeanor.

Holiday Ch(b)eer

It would be inhuman if frat stars were “too cool” for Christmas spirit. Although, they certainly add their own personal flare to their decorations. (And yes, that personal flare continues to be the exact same for all of them). Beer cans and koozies make for lovely ornaments. Deck the halls with boughs of Natty Lite. Fa la la la la, la la la vom.

Kate Upton

A frat house without a Kate Upton poster is like a unicorn and should be photographed, preserved and put on exhibit as the only one of its kind.

Dip and Bottle Caps

According to the “How To Be A Classy Frat Star” handbook, there must be at least one glass-topped coffee table in each abode. However, these overachieving men don’t merely fulfill this requirement. No, they go above and beyond to prove their esteem. I present to you, the dip tin/bottle cap compilation that precedes the application of the glass to the always-wooden table. What’s more sophisticated than subtly saying “I drink and dip, bit I’m always in control enough to trust myself around this fragile slab of glass.”

Wallpaper

You thought wallpaper was out of style? A thing of the past? Think again, my friend. While sorority girls are busy worrying if boot-leg jeans are “cool” again, brothers are shamelessly taking us all back to the 80’s with their reintroduction of this wall trend. From random state, school and team flags to cardboard boxes of completed beer cases, these innovators do it all. They even go so far as to create patterns or incorporate their unparalleled wit. A “Butt Lite” flag advertising the female rear while employing a play on words? Decorative genius.

Clothes

Boys often rag on us girls for our pack rat nature when it comes to wardrobe. But I challenge that with the thumb-tacked ball caps on bedroom walls next to pinned up greek letter T-shirts found in all homes along frat row. We have too many clothes? You don’t even have enough room for yours and are resorting to using wall space. Although, for some reason, it doesn’t look half bad.

Kiddie Pools

Whether this is a fraternity-originated idea or not, it has certainly been adopted as a functional and stylish party accessory. Nice weather? Kiddie pool party! Bad weather? Kiddie pool functioning as a cooler in the living room. Randomly decide to have beta fish battles (please don’t)? Kiddie pool strikes again. Truly a versatile, useful and adorable addition to any fraternity environment.

Ex-Girlfriend’s Shit

My personal favorite is the “presents from the ex” category that contributes the final touches to these men’s decor. The intended use of these gifts is utterly irrelevant because so are their old baes. That painted cooler she made him? It’s doubling as an ottoman. The his and hers mugs she bought? They now function as a toothbrush holder and a target for shooting practice. That loud shatter you just heard? That’s the picture frame that used to hold the image of her kissing his cheek–it’s now a small paper football table in the corner of the pong room.

Inventive as frat stars are collectively, they aren’t very individually original. I take your “Srat Uniform” criticism and raise you an “Frat Interior Design Mob.” Check mate.

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Lauren is a third year at the University of Virginia studying English and media. She loves baseball, pretending to do school work but actually watching Netflix, and three square meals of dark chocolate each day.

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