Roommate interactions are often on a fine line between familiarity and coexistence, and sometimes: one dirty dish away from miserable. Sexiling, which involves kicking your roommate out so that you can get intimate, is a situation that must be handled carefully to preserve the already delicate balance of living together. Luckily, CM has advice for both the sexiler, and sexiled, on how to cope with communication and emotions during this time.
Talk about it before the situation comes up. Let your roommate know that you might need the room for this purpose and ask him or her what you should do to make it more convenient for them. Listen and try to understand. After all, you’re the one who is putting [them] out.
When the time does arise, try to give as much advance warning as possible beforehand. Your roommate might have items in the room that he or she needs to retrieve or might want to grab clothes to crash at a friend’s place for the night. While a sock on the door might do the job, a quick text an hour prior will go far in smoothing over roommate issues.
Still, understand that there is a difference between sexiling and having a live-in girlfriend or boyfriend. Your roommate signed up to live with you, and it’s not acceptable to expect him or her to accommodate your significant other indefinitely. If there is an extra toothbrush in your room, it’s probably gone too far.
Remember that you’re at college to learn and attend classes. Try to keep the sexiling to a minimum during the school week, and especially, during finals week. This is important both out of respect for your roommate and your GPA.
Be thoughtful and consider how you would feel if the circumstances were reversed. The Golden Rule applies here as much as anywhere else; offer your roommate the same courtesy that you would expect. “No one should get kicked out of their room at 3 in the morning,” agreed Hayley Crombleholme, a sophomore at University of Connecticut. Ultimately, your roommate’s life, grades and sleeping schedule should not be adversely affected by your sex life.
Communication is essential. If something makes you uncomfortable, speak up early. Roommates have honeymoon periods, too, and you might not feel like making waves while you’re still getting to know someone. But you shouldn’t have to live with a situation that is inconvenient and awkward for you. Explain why something bothers you. This will make your roommate see things from a new perspective and see how his or her actions might have been rude.
While it’s definitely the sexiler’s responsibility to make sure his or her roommate is okay with the situation, a little understanding on the part of the sexiled can go a long way. “We are all young and hormonal, so I feel that we all understand what’s going on with our bodies,” said Jen Kim, a sophomore at Miami University.
If it only happens every once in a while and your roommate is polite and gracious, do your best to roll with the situation. You can expect the same in return, should you need to take advantage of the system. Even if you don’t ever need to sexile your roommate, you might need him or her to be understanding about other things–and you’ll rack up lots of roomie-points by compromising on this.
For both parties: remember that this room belongs to both of you equally. This means that the sexiler should be able to use it when they need to, as long as it does not inconvenience the sexiled. Keep talking and re-evaluating the situation periodically so that you both remain happy and at ease in your temporary home.