#EnglishMajorProbs

Someone asks you about your interests, and you know how cliché it sounds to say, “I love to read and write,” but you do, dammit. And when they ask you your favorite book, you feel cliché saying The Great Gatsby, but it is, dammit. You must be an English major. Embrace the clichés.

Oh, you declared an English major because you like reading? Good to know, because you’ll read a book a week—in each class.

The poetry requirement. *Groan* At least it takes three minutes to do the daily reading.

You decide to get ahead on buying books for next semester and realize you have to buy fifteen novels for one class. FIFTEEN. At least they’re small and cheap…

…Unlike that “Complete Works of Shakespeare” anthology you have to lug around three days a week.

The first day of classes in any other major would mean discussing the syllabus, course expectations and grading system. But English classes offer vague syllabi with only a list of books to read and a first day of general notes. So…does this mean this class doesn’t operate on a grading system or what?

Boring or non-eccentric English professors simply don’t exist. Prepare to be weirded out and/or enthralled.

Everyone thinks that you just sit around all day and read novels and discuss pretty words.

You tell everyone that English classes are so much more than just reading novels. It’s all about building analyzing skills…

…And then you leave class feeling like you walked out of—you guessed it—a book club.

“I wish I had time to read for fun.”

Hey, look at that. You have no final exams or midterms this semester, lucky you…

…Oh wait; you have five final papers in one week instead. Fun!

Every once in a while you get a professor who goes against the norm by giving real exams. But how the hell do you “study” for an essay test of fifteen novels?

You can receive an A in any English class in one of two ways: agree with the professor…

…Or make a really weird, out-of-the-box, no-one-knows-what-you’re-talking-about argument.

“I don’t know what I want to do when I graduate. I just want to write.”

That secret dream of writing a bestseller that every English major has, but won’t admit.