Disastrous Sex Stories: The Morning After

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Nicole Martin > Sophomore > Journalism and Sociology > Pennsylvania State University; Photo by Arsh Raziduddin > Sophomore > Graphic Design > UMBC
“Last semester I was hooking up with a guy who lives in the dorms. One Friday night we went out together to a party and I was wearing the typical college girl attire of a dress and heels and I decided to sleep over at his place. Well, the next day…  

…I woke up and realized I only had the dress and heels I had worn the night before to wear back and decided it was best if I went home early so I wouldn’t run into anyone. I had forgotten that it was a Penn State home game and instead of no one seeing me like I had planned, I walked past students, professors and families while dressed in a short dress and tall heels. Embarrassing as that was, a car of college guys drove past and yelled out the window, ‘You aren’t dressed for church!’ Even worse, I heard a woman whisper to her daughter as she walked past, ‘See that, now that’s the kind of girl you don’t want to grow up to be’.” – Emily Cartell, 19, Pennsylvania State University

“I never truly understood the definition of the term ‘beer goggles’ until the night I experienced them first hand for myself. I was at the bar and quite a few drinks in when I was approached by this girl who at the time seemed like one of the most attractive girls I had ever seen. We stood around talking and flirting for awhile until she offered me to stay at her place since it was just around the corner. I accepted and we headed back to her apartment. I’ll spare the details … things started to heat up and before I knew it we were hooking up. The next thing I remember is I woke up naked, with a pounding headache, dizzy, and still felt drunk. I looked around the room for some clue to where I was and that is when I saw a pair of girl’s underwear lying on the floor. Usually I would be quite pleased with the site, except they were about twice the size of mine lying next to them. I rolled over seeing the same girl I had remembered from the night before, only looking about 40 pounds heavier than I remember. I quickly got dressed and left before she woke up. (Ladies, I know this makes me sound like a jerk and I am well aware. Desperate times call for desperate measures.) Unfortunately, my friends to this day still call me ‘Hog Hunter’.” – Hunter Greyson, 22, University of South Carolina
“One morning I woke up after a night of drinking at a guy’s place I had never seen. I was relieved when I rolled over to find it was the guy I had been flirting with all semester and he was very cute. He woke up and said good morning and asked if I wanted some breakfast. I said yes and was very excited that he didn’t just hand me my clothes and say ‘I’ll call you.’ I was excited, however, that was until we went downstairs and into the kitchen where I saw and older couple sitting at the table. It was then I realized that he lived with his parents still. I spent an awkward meal at the table with them and his mom asking me what my major was and how I liked it and me trying to act like this was normal. Afterwards he walked me to the car and I was the one saying, ‘Yeah…I’ll call you…’” –Christian Lee, 21, University of Pennsylvania
“I have always been notorious with my friends for being the one who blacks out when he drinks. Most of which is embarrassing, but lucky for me I don’t remember a thing. One morning after one of my infamous nights I woke up next to a girl I had never seen before in my life. As I stared at her trying to remember anything I could from the night before she woke up and looked at me. She sat up and kissed me on the cheek and didn’t look at all surprised as I was to see me in her bed. She said she would be right back and went into the bathroom. Trying to not look like a jerk, I went around the room looking for anything I could to find out what her name was. I saw her purse lying on the table so I started looking through it to find her wallet. At that moment she came in the room and yelled at me thinking that I was trying to steal her money. That is when I had to explain to her what my true intentions were, and tried to laugh a bit to lighten the mood. She did not find it the least bit funny and told me to get out of her apartment before she called the cops. To this day I still have no idea what her name was.” Samuel Patterson, 23, University of Delaware



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