I want to spice up our sex lives a bit. Everything we do seems over-done and is becoming boring. Got any tips?
–Boring Sex Life
Dear Boring Sex Life,
The key to expanding your sex life is in communicating with your partner. We all have fetishes, but most of us are too embarrassed to tell our partners what they are. You need to start that conversation, and normalize with your partner by casually revealing your own kinky desires.
It’s important that you’re both willing to explore the other’s fetish. As Dan Savage a prominent sex advice columnist says, you want to be “GGG,” or “good, giving, and game.” That means that you’re willing to explore various options with your partner, and are also willing to tell your partner what your fantasies are.
Although most people think that everyone has the “school teacher” or “nun” fantasy, that’s not in fact true. Fetishes can range from simple things like rough sex to more complicated ones like bondage. You need to be open to whatever your partner says, and your partner needs to do the same.
With strong communication, you can turn your seemingly boring sex life into a whole new one. As long as you’re both willing to try almost anything at least once, you should find some new hot adventures.
If one of you is interested in something that could be potentially dangerous, do your research. Google is your friend. Just remember to always be safe, and make sure you’re both consenting to anything that happens. Good luck!
I just got out of a long-term relationship and I really thought it was going to be a while before I was ready for another potential boyfriend until I met this guy. We have been talking a lot (all day every day) and we spent a weekend together (no sex, but we cuddled all night and he kissed me). Except he just got out of a long term relationship too and I live hours away from him, yet he keeps inviting me to concerts, amusement parks, things like that and when we talk he’s very flirtatious and sweet to me…he hasn’t exactly told me he likes me more than a friend but his actions say otherwise. How do I know that this could be real and not him just needing a rebound?
Dear Confused Girl,
From everything you’ve told me so far, I think he likes you. You’ve spent a weekend together, cuddled, gone on multiple dates, and have done this despite living hours from each other.
One thing about relationships is that we can’t control when we find a partner. Sure, he could be attracted to you because you’re looking for a rebound…but so what? You’re both rebounding. If you still like each other a lot, and it’s mutual, it doesn’t matter what your incentive for pursuing the relationship is.
I don’t think you really need to talk directly to him about this; rather, you need to make a move. When you’re cuddling, start kissing him and see how he reacts. Chances are that he’ll be into you.
And if not, then so what? You just met him and he lives hours away – it’s not like you’re risking alienating a close friend or anything.
It’s a mistake to think of this relationship as either real or a rebound…because in reality, it could be both. It doesn’t matter how you met him – go with it, and see how you feel.
You need to make your move soon. When you meet someone of the sex to which you’re attracted, there’s two ladders you can climb: the friend one, and the sexual one. The higher you go up one ladder, the harder it is to jump to the other. You’re climbing the friend ladder right now…and you want to switch to the sexual one. Do it soon, before it’s too late.
Anonymously ask Noah your own hookup/dating/sex/relationship question below and you might find your answer in next week’s column.
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