Screw your bed; on the University of Maryland campus, there are way more creative options for hooking up. When the people I interviewed found out they’d be anonymous, they dished about locations way crazier than bucket list staples like Byrd and McKeldin, but don’t worry — they still made the list. Whether you’re an incoming freshman looking for tips or a seasoned senior just looking for more unusual locales, I give you, ranked by degree of difficulty, the best hookup spots on campus.
McKeldin Library: 2/10
Many students advocate for sex in the stacks, and it’s pretty much a given on students’ “before I graduate” bucket lists. In case you don’t remember from your campus tour way back in the day (or maybe pretty recently, actually), McKeldin boasts seven stories and two wings, and generally, “the higher up you go, the less chance you have of getting caught,” a senior said. Because of this, different areas of McKeldin have different degrees of difficulty — beginners, don’t go nuts. High traffic times like exam week or midterm season are probably a bad idea, “unless you’re into getting caught or something,” the same senior added. The students I interviewed suggested the sixth or seventh floors, so find that special someone and go take a study break.
The Clarice Smith Performing Arts Center: 4/10
People are always practicing their performing arts in CSPAC, and many are expanding their repertoire to include one of the most ancient art forms out there. “Imagine the acoustics,” said a junior, who hadn’t actually tried the idea out but liked it in theory. While CSPAC isn’t easy to get into without permission, and you’ll have to know your way around the building to get to the most coveted places, it’s a safe-ish bet since it’s not the busiest building on campus by a long shot.
Like McKeldin, the degree of difficulty varies depending on which classroom you choose. Some people said auditoriums were cool. A sophomore asked, “How many times are you going to have sex in a room that big?” Others advocated for smaller classrooms with a more nostalgic feel. “It feels like you’re in Fast Times at Ridgemont High or something,” a senior said. Be sure to do your research before you get down, though. “I did that once and we almost got caught by a class that was scheduled there, but they came in before we started,” another senior warned.
Bob “Turtle” Smith Stadium: 6/10
In a similar Fast Times style, try getting down and dirty in one of UMD’s baseball dugouts. “It’s risky but you still have some shelter,” a female student said. “But you have to climb a really high fence…definitely don’t do it drunk.” While the injuries sustained falling from the baseball diamond’s fence would be awkward to explain, if you’re a fan of America’s favorite pastime, you should try to combine it with America’s second-favorite pastime, wink-wink.
La Plata Beach: 6/10
North Campus’ Ellicott Community overlooks the scenic La Plata Beach, where people play soccer and sunbathe by day, and get busy by night. Because it’s so out in the open, you run a serious risk of getting caught, but in the middle of the night, most of the pedestrians are just drunk students returning to their dorms, so who’s really looking? “Been there, done that,” a junior said. “It’s not worth the risk, in my opinion. Just have sex in your bed.” So, not the most glowing review, but options are options, and let’s be real — everyone wants a beach hook up story.
The Top of Byrd Stadium: 9/10
For those of you interested in shenanigans with a glorious view, grab your special friend and break into Byrd. This excursion is not for the faint of heart; you’ll have to scale (many) chain link fences and climb up like a gazillion flights of stairs. “Definitely bring a blanket or something because the bleachers aren’t comfy,” said a female student. But on a clear day, you can see Washington D.C. in the distance, and it’s a hard view to beat (other than your partner’s rockin’ bod, obviously).
Addendum: Other people advocated for the 50-yard-line of Byrd, which is way easier to access once you’re inside the walls of the stadium. Because you don’t have to maneuver your way through the many fences and levels of the stadium to reach the top, the degree of difficulty for this particular section of Byrd is more of a 7 out of 10.
Your RA’s Room: 9/10
It is strictly forbidden for Resident Assistants, or RAs, to hook up with residents. Coincidentally, there’s no one hotter and more appealing than your RA. Hey, we all want what we can’t have, right? It’s not unheard of, either. “Lots of people have sex with their RAs,” said a junior, clarifying, “you just can’t tell people, or they’ll get fired.” The degree of difficulty on this one is mostly just wooing your RA and convincing them to risk their job for you. Caveat: Once it’s done, they’ll probably lose a lot of their appeal. Chase = over.
The Big M: 10/10
Some might call this the Hookup White Whale of College Park, and if you don’t get that reference, start hooking up with an English major. The Big M is glorious: a display of colored flowers arranged into an enormous “M” on the first roundabout you see on campus. It’s central, unavoidable and if you haven’t imagined doing it on top of it, you’re a liar. This takes logistics – you’ll have to go at a time when buses aren’t running and pedestrian activity is scarce (think early Sunday morning) and as is the case with most of these locations, don’t take your time.