DeAr Pretty Little Liars,
I have a bone to pick. You make me wait a whole three months to find out #WHATSINTHETRUNK and then it’s nothing but a pig that kicked the bucket? We don’t care about your swine, PLL, we really just want to know who’s killing mad people in Rosewood and managing to get away with it despite 21st century technology that even the evil originality of a pair of gloves and a black hoodie can’t possibly subvert for three years running.
This is an ultimAtum. I’m addicted to you, but this relationship is all give and no take. Throw me a bone, or I’m breaking this off. I stayed up until 3am in France to watch the season 4 premiere like an excited 8th grade girl, only to find out essentially nothing new. I am not pleased. I’m sick of your games, PLL. You tease me with treats and never hand them over. It’s cruel and unusuAl. I have devoted more hours of my life than I am comfortable adding up to this show, and I think I deserve some inside knowledge. From yesterday I learned that some people in Rosewood think maybe Ali is alive. Big deal, I’ve been thinking that since five minutes into episode one.
All I’m asking is for a little dramatic irony. You don’t have to let the four—well, now maybe five—little liars in on the secret, just those of us watching from behind the screen. I have so many questions and I demand some answers! Who is redcoat and why is it so hard to track down someone who has flowing blonde hair and always wears a bright red coat? Why isn’t the FBI involved in this investigation of SIX murders in Rosewood? Who chooses Hanna’s hats/headpieces? Why is Jason casually renovating his grandmother’s house after suffering an almost fatal fall down an elevator chute and then fleeing his hospital bed just months ago? Who let’s the liars into the front pew of every funeral in town?
You’re keeping me up at night, PLL, and I can’t take it anymore. If the next three episodes don’t shed some light on things, this is the end for us.
Photo from http://prettylittleliars.alloyentertainment.com/files/2013/04/season-4-poster-red-coats-e1366776297103.jpg