Recent graduates, welcome to the economy’s real-life version of The Hunger Games. May the odds be ever in your favor — but remember, if you end up part of the 44% of us that are underemployed, you’re not alone.
#1 EXPECTATION: I’m very important.
REALITY: Apparently I have the educational background to transfer phone calls.
#2 EXPECTATION: I’m going to look so professional for work every day.
REALITY: I’ve worn these pants three days straight and holy shit dry shampoo is real.
#3 EXPECTATION: I’m going to wake up early for a work out and some coffee.
REALITY: 8:29a.m.. Leaves me an ample six minutes to get ready.
#4 EXPECTATION: My studio apartment is going to be so chic.
REALITY: I rigged up some sick surround sound … in my childhood bedroom.
#5 EXPECTATION: I’m willing to work in a stuffy office for the right amount of money.
REALITY: Boss, is there any way we could look into installing padded walls into this facility?
#6 EXPECTATION: My Saturday evenings will be spent networking at prestigious rooftop parties.
REALITY: I’m the girl picking up your empty wine glasses.
#7 EXPECTATION: My coworkers and I will spend our hour-long lunch at trendy eateries downtown.
REALITY: Everyone brings Lean Cuisine.
#8 EXPECTATION: Twenty-four-year-olds who live with their parents are losers.
REALITY: 25th birthday party at mom and dad’s!
#9 EXPECTATION: Weekends: Errbody in the club getting tipsy….
REALITY: …on Zzzquil.
#10 EXPECTATION: I’m going to buy a new car and a jet ski and Dolce & Gabbana suits!
REALITY: I think I’ll keep my 1999 Cavalier.