We’ve learned to silently grit our teeth after four years of being asked stupid questions by our “practical friends” that opted for a math or science major. Here’s 25 questions that will get you the death glare from every English major you come across.
1. Are you going to be a teacher?
2. Are you going to grad school?
3. Are you super romantic?
Reading Romeo and Juliet doesn’t make us any more romantically enlightened than reading Harry Potter made us an expert on how to fly on a broomstick.
5. Can you do math?
6. You don’t drink coffee?!
We don’t all drink black coffee and brood.
7. Are you emotionally stable?
I’m in the creative writing track, so probably not.
8. Do your parents hate you?
I WILL make money.
9. Is writer’s block real?
10. Can I read your poetry?
11. How are you so good at bullshitting?
I’m an English major.
12. Do you shower?
Not all English majors are unhygienic.
13. Can you paint?
Writing is an art…but not the same as visual art.
14. Are you going to become a librarian?
Yes, four years and $40,000 later I’m going to come right back here and work in the school library.
15. Substitute teacher?
16. Is it nice to never buy textbooks?
Newsflash: English majors have textbooks, too. It’s called theory.
17. What does ‘fuliginous’ mean?
I’m an English major, not a dictionary.
18. Are you shy?
Yes, I can read—not speak.
19. Do you have a blog?
Does it look like I have the time?
20. Is it nice to just read all the time?
We DON’T have time.
21. Why do you need an English major when anyone can write?
22. Can you edit my paper/resume/cover letter?
23. Have you seen the movie?
You have to read the book in English class—not watch the movie.
24. Can you pay off student loans with an English major?
25. Do you ever have to study?
No, because reading entire novels in a day and writing 20-page essays is much easier than studying for a test.