You know what’s fun? Blizzards are fun. Blizzards are hands-down the best kind of storm to experience when you’re in college. Rainstorms? You can’t have a rainball fight. Windstorms? They’re called tornadoes and they’re terrifying. Dust storms? What is this, Kansas? Get out of here. Blizzards cancel classes, look beautiful and are way less life-threatening if you just stay inside. The only thing you can really do to prepare yourself for a blizzard is stock up on canned soup while cleaning out your Netflix queue. Or is it? This is where DC students got creative…
1. Questioned the Name “Snowzilla”
Last week, the Capital Weather Gang held an online poll to let DC residents decide the name of Winter Storm Jonas. Although the clear winner was “Make Winter Great Again,” CWG decided that just wasn’t a great name for a storm and pronounced the runner-up “Snowzilla” to be Jonas’ official name even though the people had spoken. Not that I’m bitter.
2. Went Full-on Mad Max at the Grocery Stores
Blizzard survival rule #1: stock the hell up. Between the two of us, my roommate and I bought five boxes of pasta, four cans of tuna, four bags of frozen vegetables, six cans of soup and more Sleepytime tea than you’ve ever seen in your life. I must have waited in line at Trader Joe’s for over an hour. #worthit
3. Went into Hiding
Snowzilla kicked off around midday Saturday and we were ready. I queued up Season 1 of Community on Netflix and settled in.
4. Learned How to Cook
No time like a blizzard to pull out your Crock-Pot and whip up something warm. Here’s my secret: buy a pound of chicken breasts and a jar of your favorite salsa. Dump the chicken in your Crock-Pot, pour in enough salsa to cover the chicken and cook on high for four hours. Once that’s done, take two forks and shred the chicken into bite-size pieces. Let that rest for ten minutes, then voila! Salsa chicken. Serve it over rice and beans or on cheesy tortillas. And now you’re ready to be on Top Chef.
5. Armed Ourselves for Battle
Staying inside and watching the snow fall is fun, but after a while you just gotta throw a damn snowball at somebody.
6. Armed Ourselves for Battle at the Mall
As in the National Mall. Where else can you find a huge lawn optimal for snowball fights, snowmen and sublime snowy selfie opportunities?
7. Forgot about Sidewalks
By Saturday night, campus looked like a dystopian YA movie. Hooded figures shielded their eyes from the wind and trudged through huge drifts of snow. Plows were piling up snowbanks on the sidewalks just to clear some sort of path on the roads, so students began to slog through city streets. No church in the wild, people.
8. Hosted Post-battle Blizzard Parties
What do you think we’re trudging through the city streets for? No better way to spend a blizzard then to hit up some friends for snacks, music and drinking… juice. Apple juice.
9. And then Hosted Slumber Parties
Blizzards are fun, but sometimes they take their toll. Everybody has that one friend who couldn’t get back to his apartment or campus because the roads were blocked and the Metro was closed. Nothing says “blizzard party” like somebody curled up on your futon in a Snuggie for the night.
10. Thanked University Staff
And by staff, we mean the people who salted, shoveled and plowed the campuses so that we could come back to school as quickly as possible. Real heroes don’t wear capes.
11. Prayed for No School Monday
However, we still didn’t want to go to school. The last snowflake fell on Sunday, yet still we hoped…
12. Rejoiced when Prayers Were Answered
13. Prayed for No School Tuesday
Come on, luck be a lady tonight…
14. And Everyone Rejoiced Again…
15. Except for GW
We were the lucky kiddos who went to the only university in DC that opened back up on Tuesday. I’m not crying. It’s just really dusty in my dorm, okay?! Don’t look at me.