Ladies, we’ve all been there, striking up a conversation with that hottie who sits near you in your Shakespeare class. You’ve exchanged numbers and now you’re texting through the night. He’s just so smart and funny and witty. But it’s becoming less G rated as rapidly as your heart races when your phone lights up with a message. How do you show him that’s not what you want right now? In my case, Colin* was your standard English major who rocked that lazy/scruffy look. We quickly bonded over mutual dislike of our classmates and exchanged book recommendations. From someone who’s been there and done that, here are the ways I successfully evaded Colin’s horny advances.
1. Good ol’ “K”
Colin: Real talk though, you’re pretty cute.
2. Never answer the questions seriously
Colin: Any vices of choice? 😛
Me: I have a bit of an unhealthy obsession with carrot cake.
3. Avoid asking questions yourself
Colin: I’ve heard things about runners.
Me: Like what?
Colin: A very high sex drive actually, it tends to be a side effect of being athletic.
4. Actually show zero curiosity whatsoever
Colin: I do have some weird secrets haha. Or just interesting stories.
Colin: Oh yeah 😉 Think you can handle them?
5. Ignorance is bliss
Colin: Have you ever had drunk sex?
Me: (straight up ignores the text)
6. A little sarcasm a day keeps the dick pic away
Colin: Embarrassing admission? Whiskey dick hits me super easy.
Me: Good for you.
Colin: My new place is dope! It’s got a pool and stuff. We could always hit it up 😉
Me: It’s not exactly warm out.
Colin: It’s got a hot tub, too.
Me: I’m allergic.
8. Don’t back down
Colin: I’ll admit though, of the two of us, you may have the better swimsuit body ;p
Me: You would too if you started running a bit.
9. Get all philosophical
Colin: If I remember from class you have a really nice body.
Me: Nice is but a relative term.
10. Be a Debby Downer
Colin: You thinking what I am when I say I have a magic tongue? 😉
Me: Magic ain’t real
*Name changed to protect privacy