10 Blunders Every Freshman Nole Makes

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It seems all roses and sunshine freshman year. But you’re bound to make more mistakes than you can count. From taking five 8 a.m. classes to thinking White Trash Wednesday the day before your first biology exam makes complete sense, you’ll stumble every step of the way your freshman year at the Florida State University. Don’t be afraid, young Nole, for these mistakes will grow you into the a sleep deprived, coffee-running-thru-your-veins, hardened veteran upperclassman. In the meantime, watch out for the inescapable horrors all freshmen will experience at one point.

1. Waiting Too Long to Sign Up for Housing

Don’t get too caught up in your senior year of high school and forget your pre-college to-do list, like registering for housing. A month late, you wake yourself up in the middle of the night to sign up, but you’re too late. You’re stuck with a lower than low priority number and you’d be lucky to live in the (now) defunct Kellum Hall. Say goodbye private showers, decent air and pretty much standard living conditions. Lucky you got plopped into Salley Hall. Enjoy sharing a bunk bed with a random stranger and a bathroom with three people, bud. Trust me, you’ll need all the luck you can get.

2. Buying Your Books From the FSU Bookstore

Prepare to go bankrupt. Textbooks already put a dent in your wallet, but somehow, textbooks at the FSU bookstore put a sinkhole in your wallet. “Unless you’re buying a new Jimbo windbreaker, avoid the bookstore,” said FSU senior Peter Hernandez. As syllabus week comes to a close, you find yourself throwing away valuable dollars on books you could get for half price on Amazon and a million other book selling services. Don’t get played, player. Get yourself an Amazon Prime student membership and never give into the grasps of the evil monster that looks like a bookstore. Spring semester just got a whole lot cheaper.

3. Fail at Swiping into Strozier on Your First Try

Your knees are weak. Your palms are sweaty. There’s a stain on your sweater already, two week old Suwannee spaghetti. I’m not talking about Eminem’s hit song “Lose Yourself” but what will occur as you nervously fumble your FSU Student-ID around, unable to swipe in and enter the library. People pass you in the turnstile to the left, judging incredibly hard as a line of stressed and angered students begin to form behind you. You swipe every which way until the person behind you gives up and swipes you in themselves to put you out of your misery. “Don’t worry if you can’t figure out how to swipe in, you probably still won’t know how to come senior year,” said FSU senior Hannah Mathe. Don’t let out a sigh of relief just yet, because you need to swipe again when you leave.

4. Buying a Meal Plan

When I think of meal plans, I think of the quote from The Usual Suspects: “The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.” When you first arrived in this brick covered nirvana, Seminole Dining convinced you that an all-you-can-eat buffet was the greatest treasure FSU offered. Yeah, because I’m sure when you walked over to Suwannee your salivating mouth dropped wide open at the “options.” All you see is sad hamburgers, cardboard pizza and whatever the hell they’re serving on the far side. “If you’ve ever regretted something, it probably isn’t as bad as the waste of money that is a meal plan,” said FSU junior Stephanie Haley. Do yourself a favor and get an ice cream cone as you cry all the way back to Salley.

5. Missing a Football Game

Repeat after me: Nothing requires more of your attention on a Saturday than Seminole football. The only reason to not attend an FSU football game is if it’s away. Half of the FSU tradition is going to a tailgate with your friends before standing for three hours on the bleachers and becoming best buds with the strangers sweating all around you for the day,” said FSU senior Kenneth Carril. Your FSU experience won’t be complete without at least one trip to watch our unstoppable football team crush our silly opponent. But honestly, if you only attend one game your entire college career…you should’ve transferred. Save your homework, studying and all that jazz for Sundays. For now, throw on your favorite garnet shirt and chop the air with every inebriated person in sight.

6. Enthusiastically Registering for 8 a.m. classes

So young, so naïve. The early bird may get the worm, but what metaphorical worm accomplishes that satisfying of a defeat at 8 a.m.? A bird’s biggest concern should be finals, love live, projects and well, life. An 8 a.m. sounds great on paper, but when you have to crawl out of your unimaginably comfortable twin sized mattress to go learn about mythology after an all-night study session, you’ll inevitably regret putting this early morning class into your shopping cart. “Unless nobody’s told you that sleep is awesome, never ever take an 8 a.m. If it’s your only option, take it next semester,” said FSU senior Megan Konen.

7. Not Taking Ishakhan Grigorian’s College Algebra Class Seriously

Trust me, Grigorian doesn’t kid around when he says he’ll take your phone from you, penalize your soul and embarrass you in front of the entire class. He’ll totally do it. Trust. Me.

8. Thinking That Going to The Strip is a Respectable Night Out

Honestly, what went through your brain at the time? Spending the night singing the war chant in your shower for four hours sounds more enticing. You head to The Strip with the hopes of having a good time, only to leave poor, drunk, confused and without a shirt. “Walking into a bar filled with 200 of your closest sweaty friends while waiting in a two-hour line for garbage drinks isn’t exactly my definition of a respectable night,” said FSU senior Ian Maltz. If you take pride in yourself and care about your shirts, then take the walk to Pots or Clydes, dude. Or at least tell me you went next door to McDonalds before you headed home.

9. Snoozing the alarm the day of Your Final

News flash: Throw everything you heard about finals week all-nighters out of your dorm window. Studying at the last minute leaves you tired, hungry and sad. What will actually happen during your “all-nighter?” You’ll probably study for an hour, reward yourself with an hour of Netflix, inevitably pass out along the way and wake up hours later to realize you missed the final that took away a whole night from you. Defeated, you somberly walk over to Suwannee to get something in your system. Not the usual walk of shame, but a walk of shame nonetheless.

10. Wondering What Would Happen if You Went to Another School

Just don’t. Deep down, a part of you told you to come to FSU, so enjoy every second of the Seminole experience. I could’ve gone to any school, but three years later I’m happy I decided to move 500 miles North to Tallahassee. If things start to wear you down, take a deep breath and relax, kiddo. Don’t be too hard on yourself, because the same mistakes you’re making now, the other 59,999 students have made 100 times before you. You’re right where you’re supposed to be, a brick-filled haven with a tribe right behind you if you ever stray from the beaten path. Go learn from your mistakes and enjoy every day of this year like it was your last, freshman.

Brandon is a Junior at Florida State University studying Editing, Writing and Media. He can be found raving about his fantasy football team that came in second place last season or eating something chicken related.

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