The Daily Sex: Q & A Forum

Dr. Sawyer: If being able to perform tongue maneuvers of Olympic complexity defines a person as a good kisser, then maybe that party trick with the cherry stem might just qualify someone as a good kisser. The thing about kissing and tongues is that it’s all a matter of personal taste (no pun intended). A little tongue, lots of tongue, slurping like a Golden Retriever … you name it, the possibilities are endless. Some might find the cherry stem tying tongue to be a turn on, but to others, the feeling that a small but active reptile has just invaded your mouth and is in danger of accidentally tying your tonsils together … well, not so much. Maybe the owners of gymnastic tongues might find their skills better appreciated in other areas of the body?          

Dr. Sawyer: If you’ve lost your day job, your grades are down the toilet, you’ve been placed on academic probation, been dumped by your boy/girlfriend, and you attempt or succeed in screwing everything in sight, you could be sexually addicted.  Was Tiger Woods really a sex addict, or just a regular guy with the infinite opportunity to have sex with unlimited numbers of the most beautiful women in the world?  No-one really knows.  A clinical diagnosis of sex addiction is really based, like other addictions, on the consequences of actions.  Admittedly, your average college guy is totally obsessed with sex and can certainly be defined as just a tad promiscuous, but most have not lost nearly everything valuable in their lives in the pursuit of getting laid.  If they have, then some professional help in the shape of counseling is urgently needed.

Dr. Sawyer: To answer a question with a question, do supposed aphrodisiacs actually even work? An aphrodisiac is something that supposedly will increase your libido (sex drive), and legend has it that oysters are just the seafood to do the job, to the point where a man can’t order a dozen oysters in a restaurant without the waiter giving him a sideways look.  As with other alleged aphrodisiacs like ginseng, chocolate (including green M & Ms!), and Spanish fly, there is usually a tiny grain of possible truth to the notion, although never enough to make a legitimate claim. Oysters are rich in zinc, a mineral assumed to be a sexual response enhancer, but that’s a far cry from being a substance that has been documented to increase libido.  Many experts reckon that the only way aphrodisiacs work is the placebo effect – the idea that if you believe something improves sex for you, it’s really your imagination, not any magical properties of say, Rhino horn!  This way of looking at things is pretty harmless … if you believe that a Snickers bar will get you going, so be it, that’s no big deal. Bottom line here – there’s no evidence to support the idea that any specific product exists that will increase libido …. although the joke that probably has a much larger grain of truth attached, is that the only true aphrodisiac is variety.  Think about it!

Dr. Sawyer: Taking the pill at the same time every day is recommended partly because it reinforces the action of taking the pill every day, so women are less likely to forget. Taking the pill a couple of hours late is extremely unlikely to make any difference, and even missing one pill may not be a problem. Missing two pills would be a cause for concern and a back up method, like condoms, should be used. Having said that, the pill definitely works best if taken at the same time every day so women should try to get on a regular pill-taking schedule.

Dr. Sawyer: There’s no straightforward answer to this question… it’s kind of like comfort foods, some people prefer chocolate ice-cream, others strawberry, but ultimately they both love the experience. In the heterosexual world the key to female orgasm is clitoral stimulation, so theoretically a position that allows for maximum access to the clitoris might increase the likelihood of achieving an orgasm. So, the woman-on-top position where the man can manually stimulate the clitoris at the same time as penile penetration could definitely help the woman reach Nirvana. Interestingly, perhaps the most common sexual position, missionary (man on top), seems to be least likely for many women to orgasm as research tells us that fewer than half of women who have sex in this position are able to climax. Having said all this, because the brain is the most important sexual organ we have as human beings, whatever turns you on the most is your best bet to achieving an orgasm regardless of which contorted, pretzel-like position you’re able to assume!  

Dr. Sawyer: So you’re watching a cable movie, a couple of hot bods hook up for the very first time and the sex is unbelievable. He lasts for hours, she is screaming with unbridled ecstasy and the couple explodes in a simultaneous, teeth-grinding orgasm. Sound familiar in your own experience? Thought not! This is Hollywood sex. This is the type of sex that everybody imagines, but all too few experience. To increase the likelihood of a simultaneous orgasm, couples will need to communicate effectively and if we’re talking heterosexuality, acknowledge some fundamental gender differences. To use a generalized culinary metaphor, men are microwave ovens, and women are crock pots, so the first thing the man must achieve is the ability to hold back his ejaculation. Then, as the woman moves more slowly toward Nirvana, he must be aware of where she is along this road. Too many men make assumptions, so how about asking? … I know, a radical thought, but better to know. So let’s think about this – an ability to read signs of someone’s sexual response and being comfortable actually speaking during sex, suggests that the couples most likely to achieve simultaneous orgasm are those in longer-term relationships. Hollywood finds that boring, hence the roaring orgasms after up-against-the-wall sex in the bathroom after only a few beers and some lingering looks … if only!      

Dr. Sawyer: Because when a man ejaculates, his body releases a sleep-inducing hormone that prevents him from having to deal with any awkward post-sex intimacy or conversation and allows him to slip into deep slumber, in the hopeful anticipation that you might be gone when he wakes … NOT! Although there is some small amount of research that has examined hormone levels pre and post sex, most experts believe that socialization plays a large role in this phenomenon. Of course, not all young men are sexually selfish, egocentric jerks who’re looking to get their rocks off and consider ejaculating just another bodily function, but you know, some are and so once they’re done, you’re done too … even when you’re not! Also, college sex tends, on some occasions, to be pre-gamed and so given a predilection for several beers and jello shooters before the big event, your guy was lucky to be able to have sex in the first place, never mind hang around emotionally or physically after the act. I guess, as a general rule, if you want attentiveness and to feel like the guy cares about you, get those needs taken care of before sex, because before sex, a guy’s about as amiable and cooperative as it’s possible to be!!!     

Dr. Sawyer: This is obviously all about personal preference, and so there’s not a lot of scientific data on this topic. A recent study called the Lifestyles Condoms Sexual Satisfaction Survey might help to throw some light on this issue. Here’s what the survey suggests about favorite positions:

• 40% of men and 20% of women prefer woman on top.
• 40% of women and 20% of men prefer man on top.
• 30% of men and 26% of women prefer rear entry or “doggie style.”
• 8% of men and 3% of women like the “reverse cowgirl” position.
• Only 2% of men and women prefer face-to-face lying sideways, while only 3% of men and women like rear entry lying sideways.
• Finally, only 1% of men and 2% of women appreciate the challenge of sex while standing … slackers!

Dr. Sawyer: UTI stands for urinary tract infection, which can often be found in the urethra or bladder. Most UTIs are caused by bacteria that enter the body through the urethra, and this can happen quite easily during sex. In fact, if you’re a woman who’s lucky enough to experience the wonders of orgasm, your urethral opening tends to open and close during this all too brief event, making the invasion of bacteria a tad more likely. Although sexually transmitted infections (STIs) can cause symptoms of a UTI, the vast majority of UTIs are caused by bacteria that are not strictly classified as a STI. In general terms, preventing UTIs can include hydrating well, avoiding feminine sprays or douches (this doesn’t refer to your guy friend, even if the descriptor fits!), and wiping from front to back. In terms of sex, urinating immediately after intercourse would be the best advice to prevent UTIs, although, as with most things, there’s no guarantee. Symptoms might include a feeling that you constantly need to pee, cloudy urine, blood in the urine, and a burning feeling when you pee. Treatment usually involves an antibiotic medication.

Dr. Sawyer: Standing up, fully clothed at least 15 yards from an erect penis is about the only sure position to prevent pregnancy! Gravity might play a minor role in decreasing the likelihood of pregnancy, so I guess, “woman on top” might fractionally decrease the odds, but not by nearly enough for anyone to even consider this as a means of organic contraception. Some might argue that the missionary position (man on top) provides the shallowest penile penetration, thus making the sperm travel further in a hostile environment that tends to kill them, but given that a typical male’s ejaculate contains approximately 350 million sperm, you can begin to see why sexual positions aren’t so relevant. 

Dr. Sawyer: Could be one of many possibilities. If you’re having penis/vagina sex, there’s a good deal of friction, and so feeling sore, particularly if you’ve had sex several times or for long periods of time, is pretty normal. Lack of lubrication could also contribute to discomfort. The less the vagina lubricates the more the friction is likely to irritate the vaginal lining. Lack of lubrication could simply mean that the woman isn’t sufficiently stimulated (talk to your partner … or get a new one!), or that she might benefit from using a lubricant that come in may assorted varieties at your local drug store. A less appealing possibility is that the discomfort could be caused by a sexually transmitted infection (STI).  Although many women have no symptoms when they have an infection, some will experience vaginal discomfort. Either way, a woman in this situation should get checked out by her practitioner to, at a minimum, rule out the STI possibility.    

Dr. Sawyer: To qualify for the title of being a sexually transmitted disease or infection, as they are more commonly called today (the CDC thought that infection sounded less dramatic and nasty than disease… “it’s just a little infection”…  yes, but if it’s on your business, does it really make it any better?!!) a disease just has to be sexually transmissible. So probably, the most common STDs on a college campus are forms of vaginitis, like yeast infections. But guys don’t have vaginas, so how can they get these infections, you ask? Although guys don’t own a vagina, many men have a powerful fascination for the organ, and like to get up close and personal with them as often as possible. If the vagina in question has a yeast infection at the time, then there’s a good chance the man will also get an infection. Most forms of vaginitis, including yeast infections, are easy to treat with over-the-counter medication. Other very common STDs on campus are Chlamydia (symptoms in women: often none, symptoms in men: some pain on urination, discharge from the penis) and human papilloma virus, often more commonly known as genital warts (symptoms in women: often none, sometimes warts on the vulva or around the cervix, symptoms in men: warts on the penis, scrotum or anus, sometimes none.)  If you choose to be sexually active ALWAYS use a condom!

Dr. Saywer: Oh yes, they certainly can. HPV stands for human papilloma virus, certain strains of which can cause genital warts and/or lead to cell changes that can be pre-cancerous. Here’s an unglamorous maxim… you can get something, wherever you put something, not exactly Shakespeare I know, but very true. Quite often a woman may have genital warts around her cervix, never knowing they’re even there. She has sex with her guy, who, unless he’s prepared to perform a thorough pre-insertion gynecological exam, will be unaware of the dangers lurking within. The deed is done, and HPV is successfully passed from one to another. The male may develop symptoms in the next few weeks… or not, and so if he decides to have sex with a different partner, this new partner is now at risk to be the next beneficiary of this little gift that keeps on giving. How can you avoid HPV? Never have sex (OK, doesn’t work for everyone), always use a condom (not 100% effective, but drastically reduces your risk), and try to keep your number of different sexual partners to a minimum. If you can’t remember names and faces, that’s never a good sign.