Until the world is accepting of all sexualities, and the metaphorical closet no longer exists, there is a problem we are all going to have to deal with: is he straight or is he gay?
This is only a problem because people typically assume someone is straight until proven gay. Which, if you’re gay like I am, is incredibly frustrating — especially when you consider that many people will assume a guy is gay because he is feminine or dresses well. But let the record show, I have straight friends that look a lot sharper than I do on some days.
So how can you be sure if someone is in the closet just by looking at them?
You can’t. But there are a few things that should raise a
red rainbow flag and some things that shouldn’t.
Your guy might be gay if:
1. His Facebook is full of pictures with him and a bunch of girls.
This doesn’t mean that straight guys can’t hang out with girls — this is college and playground rules are a thing of the past. However, it is a fact that most gay guys have a lot of girl friends. Most of my best friends in elementary school were girls. And over a decade later, that hasn’t really changed.
2. He never seems to be “in the mood.”
If a guy is really gay, chances are he won’t be down for having sex with a girl. This isn’t always the case, though. Coming out is a difficult process for a lot of gays (lesbians too) and maybe he is really good at convincing himself that he’s straight. Of course, there is such a thing as bisexuality, so keep that in mind. But even if he was bi, he’d still be into women.
3. Homosexuality is a topic he persistently tries to avoid.
If a guy really is gay and in the closet, he could be so far in there that the very notion of homosexuality makes him uncomfortable. I’ve had friends that acted this way, even around me, before they came out. They wouldn’t want to hear about guys I’ve dated or anything like that. If he is that uncomfortable with his feelings toward men, chances are it won’t be his favorite dinnertime discussion and that could be something to take note of.
You guy may still be straight even if:
1. He dresses well and keeps a groomed appearance.
If you are a girl and this worries you, don’t let it. This is something to be grateful for! Just because a guy wears tighter clothes or spends good money on his haircut doesn’t make him any less masculine. He is simply proud of his appearance and takes care to maintain it.
2. He has gay friends.
I kind of hate it when this makes girls question a guy’s heterosexuality. Does homophobia reaffirm it? No. I have straight guy friends, we have broments (bro moments). A straight guy that is accepting of homosexuality is, if anything, more secure with his own sexuality. And if he gets along with his girlfriend’s favorite gay, that’s even better.
3. He talks in a pretty feminine way.
This is a big one. A lot of people claim that they can spot homosexuality from a mile away. But hey, Michael Cera is straight. So is Eric Stonestreet, the actor that plays the flamboyant Cam on “Modern Family.” Voice may be an indicator for homosexuality, but it is far from a surefire sign.
But there is only way to know for sure: asking. Of course, asking is not always the most appropriate course of action. You have to use your judgment. If he really is in denial, there is an emotional reason. Don’t evict him from the closet.
Whether this is someone you are crushing on or already involved with, keep your gaydar on if you are questioning his sexuality. But it’s still a touchy subject for a lot of people, so no matter what your suspicions may be, keep it respectful.
Photos taken from capitalfm.co.ke