Not every student who comes to college is looking for love, but there are students looking for one-night stands. College students, more than anyone else, seem to be experts on the art of sexiling, or kicking roommates out to have sex in their rooms.
“In freshman year, my friend had a roommate who kicked her out for over 48 hours,” said Lauren Farahani, a sophomore at New York University. “My friend literally had to carry her mattress out into the common room and change, eat and sleep in the common room the entire weekend. And there were all sorts of crazy noises coming from her room.”
For the fortunate students (usually upper classmen) who live in apartment-style dorms, sexiling is not an issue because they have other places to sleep. College suites give students another place to go when their room in unavailable.
“It’s never been a huge issue for me because I can just leave the room and sleep on the couch in the suite common room,” said Gabrielle A., a sophomore at Boston College.
But for the unlucky students who live in traditional two-person dorms, sexiling can become a major problem. Tensions arise especially when roommates aren’t good friends and the conversation about getting kicked out for the night can be somewhat awkward.
Every college or university has resident advisors (RAs) or designated people who deal with resident problems, but shy underclassmen and sometimes even Juniors and Seniors might not feel comfortable sharing their sexiling problems with them. And why would they? Asking an RA for help in this department can sometimes seem a little like asking them to regulate your roommate’s sex life. That will most likely leave you feeling uncomfortable, your RA feeling intrusive and your roommate feeling betrayed.
“I’ve never had residents come to me with [sexiling] problems but I don’t think people really want to go to RAs with that,” said Jordan Stern, a former RA at Binghamton University. “I know what’s going on but most people kind of let it go.”
So going forth into your sexiling situation without an RA’s help can be a little daunting. To ease the situation and make both you and your roommate feel satisfied, here’s some advice and guidelines of proper sexiling etiquette.
1. Open communication
If you want to stay in your room for the night, don’t be afraid to tell your roommate that she needs to take her activities elsewhere. If you’re on the other side of it, make sure to tell your roommate ahead of time that you’re planning to use the room that night so he or she can make other arrangements.
Although it’s almost always annoying to get kicked out of your room, you have to remember that the room also belongs to your roommate. Be open to giving your roommate some time in the room on weekends or days when you don’t need to be up early.
3. Make a schedule
If there are specific days when you need to wake up early or go to bed early, tell your roommate. Let them know that sexiling that night is not an option. Trading schedules with your roommate can also be a helpful way to avoid messy situations. He or she can then plan to have people over when you’re at class or work.
4. Make friends with your roommate’s lovers
It’s always easier to do something you don’t want to do when it involves someone you’re friends with. Try to be friendly with the new person coming into your room so that it isn’t awkward when all three of you are together.
5. Make a sign
If you absolutely can’t let your roommate know that you’re using the room ahead of time, create some sign so he or she doesn’t walk into the room to find it occupied. Maybe put a piece of clothing on the door or get a whiteboard that says “knock.” Even sending a quick text before you get down to business is better than nothing.
Sexiling is always a difficult issue to confront, but developing a few rules with your roommate can make your semester easier and bring fewer surprises to your already crazy college lives.
Photos taken from thesexiled.com and nyulocal.com