Kate Barker>Senior>Writing>Loyola University Maryland 

We’re back at school: let the red Solo cups, frat parties and overcrowded bars commence. And whether you’re more of a six-night-library, one-night-dorm-party kind of person, or a ‘student’ more likely to be found shotgunning than studying, chances are you will be attending quite a few parties this term. Welcome awkward high schoolers – you’re about to be thrust into a world flooded with the opposite sex. Happy mingling. The natural born Casanovas among us are of course excused from this crash course in courting, but the timid should listen closely. This is your chance: You are about to enter a thoroughly co-ed world that is often liberally lubricated with liquid confidence (read: booze). Don’t blow it. 

The original aim of this article was to arm college students with “pick up lines that won’t get shut down,” but upon further consideration, I can’t help but think that such a topic is a bit of a paradox. Because, really, who uses lines anymore? Or more specifically – who uses them with any success? Best to steer clear of any line you have heard in a teen movie, from your grandfather, or have read in the back of a joke book. Recycled lines are like canned vegetables: all of the freshness has been cooked out of them. 

So then, rather than asking the lovely lady to your left if it hurt when she fell from heaven, give these tactics a go instead: 

“Do you want a drink?” This old standby is perhaps the most commonly used pick up line, but it’s also the most frequently misused one. The key to making this offer successfully is in the timing. Leading off with this question is absolutely a no-no. I don’t care if you’re Brad Pitt’s long-lost twin – asking someone if they would like a drink before you even know their name will lead them to think that: A, you have something terribly wrong with you, and B, that they will now have to spend a couple minutes speaking to your freakishly flawed self so as to not feel guilty about taking the free drink. The world is a scary place. If someone offers to buy us a drink unprovoked, we immediately assume something is awry and will likely be checking the surface for signs of floating powder. So if you plan on using this line, establish some sort of rapport first. Otherwise, get ready to look desperate and potentially dangerous. 

OK. But to get to that point? How to initiate conversation, period? Try something simple: “Hey don’t we have (political science/marketing/recess, etc.) together?” Even if you do not, it’s a question that is unlikely to offend, and quite likely to spark up some sort of conversation. Or, try this: If you’re standing at a bar or waiting around a keg, make a friendly wager with the person you’re interested in. “I bet you I get served first.” It’s an easy way to establish communication, and chances are that they will be at least competitive enough to humor your challenge. If you lose, it’s the perfect opportunity for a self-deprecating joke. If you win, buy them a drink or offer to let them go ahead of you anyway. Now you’re a winner and a nice guy. Well played. 

And once you have the conversation going? Be yourself. Don’t try to impress, because in all likelihood the result will be just the opposite. Be genuine and ask questions. Try actually listening to their responses. You’d be amazed (and probably appalled) how many couples meet this way: standing over a keg tap, screaming over blaring speakers. And if you don’t find your one true love on your next night out? Practice makes perfect. And hey – you might get a good night out of it anyhow.

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