• Andrew Lloyd Webber has me thinking of him, fondly*, as he heads back to the hospital after having surgery to help fight his prostate cancer.  The Tony-winning composer of The Phantom of the Opera, the longest-running musical on Broadway, has apparently developed an infection as a result of the surgery.  His reps say that while the surgery went well, Webber needs time to recover and should be back to work on Phantom’s sequel, Love Never Dies—which is scheduled to open in London as early as March 2010.  If it’s even half as good as Phantom, I am definitely buying tickets for the New York premiere, slated for next November.

*If you didn’t get that, please get yourself a copy of the Phantom soundtrack ASAP.  Get some culture in your life.

Now that song is stuck in my head…

• Apparently, Johnny Depp is the Sexiest Man Alive.  At least, that’s what People magazine says—which, in my opinion, is basically The New York Times of celebrity news.  I mean, he’s definitely in the running for Best Actor Ever, and would most likely win Overall Coolest Guy, but sexy?  Meh.  Decide amongst yourselves.  Actually, I’m up for an intellectual discussion about what exactly qualifies a man to be ranked the Sexiest Man Alive.   Is there a list of requirements that must be consulted?  Personally, I think they had the right idea last year: Hugh Jackman…mmmmmmm.
• What will Americans do without their daytime talk show goddess telling them how to live their lives?!  That’s right, Oprah is planning to end her show in September 2011, after its 25^th season.  Seriously, thousands of people are going to be hopelessly lost and confused for an hour every afternoon.  But I guess it will have been 25 years, and she’s no spring chicken…the richest woman in the world should be allowed to spend the twilight of her life rolling around in her piles of money.

Just look at all that bling. Why can't I be filthy rich?

• Speaking of twilight, the movie every tween girl has eagerly awaited is finally here.  New Moon hasn’t gotten the best reviews, but that hasn’t stopped anyone from going to see it. Fine, I’ll admit I kind of want to see it, I just don’t want to waste money on a ticket.  So if anybody wants to take me (and buy me the obligatory medium popcorn and Diet Coke), please let me know.  Otherwise, I’ll just be Google-ing shirtless photos of Rob Pattinson until it comes out on DVD.

So dark, so brooding, so delicious….

• Finally, Tila Tequila has gone insane.  She posted a video online that shows her naked self having some kind of breakdown, cursing and going on and on about her ex-boyfriend who allegedly abused her.  She took it down pretty soon after she posted it, and said something like “Sorry, I just fell off the deep end for a little bit.”  Honestly, it was only a matter of time.

Apparently she took too many shots at love.

Image sources:  www.eonline.com, http://everythinghco.files.wordpress.com/2009/10/phantomcover.jpg, http://vmchick.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/robert-pattinson-in-first-new-moon-poster-2.jpg, www.tmz.com

How’s that for alliteration?!

• Avril Lavigne has just filed for divorce from her husband of three years, Sum-41’s Deryck Whibley.  Oh well, I guess he’s just another Sk8r Boi…and she said “see you later, boi!”  I love that song.  Anyway, the angst-ridden Canadian pop star cited “irreconcilable differences” in the paperwork, and that they’ve been separated since early September.  Sounds like they are In Too Deep to repair their relationship now.  I know, I know, I’m being annoying…but I just can’t help myself.  Maybe the split will help them write new pop-punk songs!  I’m just trying to be positive here, people.

Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?

• According to the private medical examiner hired by Billy Mays’s widow, the king of infomercials wasn’t a coke-head!  At least, not really.  The report states that “there is no evidence that Mr. Mays’ death was related to acute cocaine intoxication…rather, the use of cocaine by Mr. Mays appears to have occurred at a remote time several days before his death.”  Well, if it was only a little, who can blame the guy, right?  I just did a line of coke a few minutes ago, before I started writing this blog—it helps me get my snark on.  I’M KIDDING…c’mon, these are the jokes!  But honestly, since when does it matter how much cocaine is found?  The fact that it’s there at all is troubling, so I don’t get why this should make the Mays family feel a whole lot better.  Then again, what do I know?

At least it's Oxi-Clean and not oxycodone…

• Lil’ Wayne is going to be a father…for the fourth time.  Does anybody else find this disturbing, or am I horribly judgmental?  Not like he’s married or even in a steady relationship…every one of his kids has a different mother.  Look, I don’t care that he’s a man-whore promiscuous, I just feel bad for the illegitimate children.  And their mothers.  And the lawyers who will have to dodge the paparazzi during the inevitable custody hearings.  Cripes.

Oh yeah, that's Father of the Year material.

• Summit Entertainment just decided to release the New Moon soundtrack early—meaning this Friday.  As much as I pretend not to care, I’ll probably end up liking the music better than the movie.  Unless, of course, there is a strip-tease scene in which Rob Pattinson slowly reveals every inch his glittery skin…then I won’t feel stupid for spending eight bucks on a movie ticket.  Hey—don’t judge me!

I love the smoldering look.

Image sources: eonline.com and tmz.com

Here’s this week’s update on all the stuff you pretend not to care about.  It’s okay, I won’t tell anybody you were here…or that you were one of the people who helped make the Hannah Montana movie soundtrack number 1 on Billboard’s top 200 albums this week…

• Apparently, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt didn’t get enough attention when they eloped in Mexico last year, so they’re getting married! Again! This weekend, the couple we all love to hate on The Hills will wed in Pasadena, CA. But Heidi’s best frenemy, Lauren Conrad, won’t be there to watch her two co-stars get hitched: “Um, those are not in my plans, no” she thoughtfully articulated to MTV News. Wow. Maybe Heidi should consult LC when she writes her vows.

Omg! Barbie and Ken are real?!

• Attention Twilight fans: breaking news! A photo of the wolf pack from the sequel New Moon has just been released, and hell has officially broken loose in middle schools across America. Admittedly, these guys are lookin’ good, but I’m certainly not booking a flight to the set in Vancouver. Silly girls, get a grip!

• On a completely unrelated note, if anybody happens upon a picture of a shirtless Robert Pattinson from the set of New Moon, please get in touch ASAP. The nice people at Air Canada have been saving me a first-class seat on every flight to Vancouver for about a month now, and they’re starting to lose patience.
• This Friday, Beyonce’s new movie Obsessed comes out. I would say that it looks stupid, but I’m afraid she’ll find me and kick my ass like she does to that woman in the trailer. You go, girl.

Watch the trailer: Obsessed official trailer

• Lastly, it has been confirmed that the Jonas Brothers will host the 2009 Teen Choice Awards. The boy band will perform, of course, in all their fluffy-haired, purity-ringed glory, and the girls will go wild. Cute, right? But if the JoBros get together with Miley Cyrus to sing “A Little Bit Country, A Little Bit Rock N’ Roll”* a la Donny and Marie Osmond, I will scream. And not because Joe Jonas makes me feel like I’m “Burnin Up.”

*If you don’t know what I’m talking about, click: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ku3519hNbac&feature=related

Image sources: www.eonline.com, www.mtv.com

Video source: www.youtube.com