Kate
From the myriad of pop-culture images I can recall from my childhood, doing it on a plane seems so easy. The gist of my recollections:
- Step 1: Make eyes at a fly honey.
- Step 2: Smooth-talk said female into waiting for you in the tiny cabin bathroom.
- Step 3: Cause an unmistakeable racket as the stewardesses with 4-inch pumps and a perm turns a blind eye (camera then pans to the token fuddy-duddies in a state of high alarm).
A real-life former flight attendant (whose name has been kept anonymous) confirmed that passengers were really always banging under their chintzy blue blankets. Figuring all systems go, G and I packed easy-access sweatpants in our carry-ons.
What we didn’t plan for was how awake our fellow passengers would be for the duration of the 15-hour flight. Foremost was Abuelita, the smiley, old Chinese lady who had the window seat in our row. Earnest in her seatbound calisthenics (such ferocious thumb-twiddling!) and steamroller-determined when she climbed over us to get to the toilet, she never slept, watched a movie, or read anything more entertaining than the duty-free shopping catalogue. In short, sitting next to Abuelita was the opposite of having sex.
But don’t worry, o faithful reader, because here’s what wasn’t: our vaginally pink and cocoonish private room, incidentally advertised as ”for lovers” on the hostel website. Because nothing spells “making up for lost time” like a futon that takes up two-thirds of the floor (even if it is also home to a large and eery stuffed bunny).
18 hours in, China, I am your #1 fan.
Paid Tip of the Week
Lisa
It may be a recession, but resist the urge to trim your savings contribution. You’ll disrupt your habit of saving, and with the help of compound interest, your fifty-year-old self will thank your twenty-year-old self.
Tags: abuelita, Blue Mountain Hostel, mile-high club, sweatpants
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on Monday, March 30th, 2009 at 8:57 am and is filed under Sex & Dating.
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